BPDFamily.com

We were together for 3 1/2 years, first year awesome then the devaluing phase started. Her blow ups were not frequent at first but as time went on they became more frequent. The last 6 months it was about every 2 to 4 weeks, picking arguments over petty things. In the last 6 months she also managed to estrange herself from my family members, not sure if this was a move to isolate me or drive a wedge between me and my family but it didn't work.

We do not live together or are married, our last argument she came at me with lots of threats of her not wanting to live in the area anymore. She feels alone and what I took as a ultimatum, "I will do things alone, but only for so long".
During the last 6 months I saw on her phone a guys name pop up with a message "great talking to you last night :)"
and another on snapchat from someone else. I feel she was at least emotionally cheating but it could be more.

I do not understand how they go from you are the love of their life to so cold so fast, I feel like I was used and nothing more than an object to her. Partly my mistake for going back after our last breakup that I posted on here about. I am trying to do it right this time and be NC, thanks for listening to my rant its really hard recovering from people with BPD they make you feel like you found your soulmate. The reality couldn't be farther from the truth.

A pwBPD split those that they are closest to. That’s the nature of the disorder. The first while going NC is tough especially if it’s you’re not the one that usually starts it.

Thank you so much for your response, hearing from others about what they went through and their opinions on my situation are very helpful.

This last time started because I sent her a couple funny cartoons by text which she didn't find funny, honestly she was looking for a reason because the night before she posted something on her snapchat story where I could tell she was beginning to spiral. So she used that text as a reason to fight, I basically let her text all that negative stuff about how she was sick of everything hated her life and told me she didn't want to be in this area anymore. Along with her saying "I can't do this anymore" and i just texted back " ok I understand" that's where I left it and never heard anything back from her in two weeks. Other than her deleting me off snapchat I have been blocked on other social media since last summer during another fight.

Its frustrating she made me fall in love with her than its just got progressively worse.

they dont.

one of the hardest parts for me, in detaching from the wounds of my breakup, was realizing that my ex and i were on very different pages, the more the relationship went along, and especially the closer we were to a breakup. it didnt feel that way at the time. it rarely does.

the fact is, the two of you had experienced at least one breakup (a relationship killer in most cases). you were together for at least 3 and a half years (a bit longer than my relationship) and as you indicate, things were downhill after year one...even more so, approaching the breakup.

the hard part is that she likely had grieved the relationship, partly or completely. the harder part is that you likely had as well, but you werent done, and you still had hope. its always confusing, hurtful, and empty feelings to be on the receiving end of that.

it likely will hurt to look at your relationship that way: as unraveling for a long time, but it will help you to answer a lot of your questions, and it will help you detach.

You are right I could see her becoming more distant in the last few month, intimacy was dropping off, she used to always hold my hand that too diminished a lot. She seemed more and more depressed also, but that did happen even before. I noticed everything changing little by little initially, she had her own place but due to her impulsiveness she just quit her job without having another one lined up. She gave me a long story about how her ex husband had rented a apt a few doors up from her, truth is she was evicted I know because I saw it on the court records.

So once she moved back in with her parents that's when things started getting worse, partly I believe because that is where her trauma comes from as a child. It was back into the toxic stew that created the problem.
That is when I really began to notice the lies and there was quite a few along with delusional stories and psychosis.
The psychosis really scared me everything from audio and visual hallucinations and tactile ones as well.
I also noticed her mother having some of these as well, she desperately needs therapy probably DBT.
I doubt she will follow through though.

I really do believe that living there is causing her issues to become worse, she has told me on several occasions that she is crazy and  I would ask her why she would just say because I am and its getting worse. I am sure its BPD and I believe its comorbid with something else, but I am not really qualified to diagnose her its just what my gut tells me.