Title: Take the Pledge Post by: livednlearned on December 29, 2014, 03:18:00 PM The Co-parenting Board Pledge
Please take the pledge (check the items in the survey) and tell us your near term goals. For members who are co-parenting a child of a BPD parent and who want to raise emotionally resilient kids while minimizing stress and conflict in our lives.
Title: Re: Take the Pledge Post by: ennie on February 07, 2015, 11:55:55 AM I would add to the last pledge item... .I think it is important to take in feedback, even challenging feedback; but I also think it is important to steward our own values, as feedback may not be appropriate to our situation. For example, as a step-parent, I have encountered a great deal of judgement and "rules" around my close and communicative relationship with my SDs. Now that enmeshed SD14 is almost 15, it is clear that this has not harmed our relationship. I have one of the best relationships with a teen "daughter" of any of my step-parent friends or moms, and I think some if that is due to the fact that I have set boundaries rather than shrinking back as many have advised me to do as a stepmom; some of it is due to the fact that while I never badmouth mom, I answer my SD's questions honestly (in an age appropriate way) most all the time; and I work hard not to judge their mom, but avoid hiding my feelings entirely. If mom yells at me, I tell them that hurts my feelings, even if that is uncomfortable for them--but I also do my best to let them know that I see she is doing her best I can work through what is difficult for me.
If I had listened to and strictly adopted advice given here (often by mom's who were very triggered by my close relationship with the girls, partly due to the fact that have a BPD mom and not a non mom!), I think I would not be in the pretty good place with the girls I'm in. I would summarize this by adding a pledge item that is something like: I pledge to take in and give feedback with the recognition that each of our circumstances is different, and that we can only know so much about each other from the brief words we report. As such, I trust myself and others to use what is useful in our feedback, and to do my best not to impart or take in feedback as absolute truth or moral imperative. Title: Re: Take the Pledge Post by: ogopogodude on February 10, 2015, 12:41:56 AM Good post.
Another website page well worth printing out. THANKS... ! Title: Re: Take the Pledge Post by: momtara on February 10, 2015, 08:49:51 PM Good list!
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