BPDFamily.com

Hey All,

I wanted to bring up this specific topic, mainly because I have failed to find many resources, information, or anecdotes regarding a pwBPD's interactions within a social/public setting (besides instances of public raging).  When I define a social setting, I mainly mean their interactions with personal friends or acquaintances of mine; basically strangers she didn't really know very well.

My exBPD's interactions/behaviors in the public setting were rather strange at times. Of course, I was in some respect blind to these behaviors; It took post breakup feedback from various friends who had met her to really get a sense of those behaviors.  I wanted to see if these behaviors resonate with anyone, or if anyone can relay how their exBPD handled these situations.

- She was considered "very standoff-ish and cold", according to many of my female friends who had met her

- She kept to herself in a public settings; would cling to her close friend and me

- She would occasionally interact with some of my male friends that she knew best; but never a female

- Would act aloof and strange if a friend of mine attempted to initiate conversation; conversation was brief

- The 2 friends of mine she knew well (from a 13 week bowling league), were barely even acknowledged in certain social settings

- During a recent Super Bowl party in which I knew almost everyone and she knew several people, she sat on the couch and didn't move for hours; rarely spoke to anyone, even after various introductions

- Would see me from across the room speaking to a female friend, and the friend would get a threatening glare

- Several times, she would violently pull me away while I was talking to a female friend.


I understand being shy or quiet, but she was neither of these things normally.  She only acted this way in front of my friends.  She was usually a social butterfly with me, her friends, and random strangers we met.

Anyone have thoughts or comments on this?

Mine definitely suffered from social anxiety. It was worse in the beginning, but she got better after a few years of stability with me. She grew up in a ghetto part of town, an immigrant community, and didn't trust "white" people, which is odd, because in her job she has to work with a lot of them. Being in a setting she was unsed to (i.e., out of her comfort zone and out of her control), she was very anxious. She accused one friend of mine being fake to her, when my friend was just trying to draw her out and talk to her. Hid inside the house at one party where there were a lot of families and kids. It was embarassing to me.

Another female friend of mine always hated the sense of fakeness she said my uBPDx exhibited. Other women picked up on this more, though not all. My uBPDx felt more comfortable with certain people (as we all do), but the extreme nature of her social anxiety got triggered more than a non would be. Some of my friends liked her a lot, and she them. Others got bad first impressions and never liked her. She picked up on that.

One  red-flag I ignored in the beginning was that she said her old bf's friends never liked her. I should have explored that more.

She and my mom never got along as well, and my Ex was pretty mean to my mom sometimes. I'm ashamed I didn't stand up to this more. It was far more than a typical MIL-DIL tension. Both are emotionally unstable, my mom being more so, though my mom doesn't have that intrinsic meanness that my Ex has, especially when triggered.

Early on in the relationship, at a wedding of one of my friends, another friend said to me 'I tried talking to her, but it's like she has no personality'.   

Near the end, at another wedding of one of my friends, two of my female friends were talking to her (one the girlfriend of my best friend), and afterwards she said she didn't like talking to them because she thought the stories they told 'were stupid and boring'.  This was after she was begging me to start hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend so we could get out more socially (of course we couldn't go out with any of her friends, because she didn't have any).  I had been nearby during the conversation she had with them, and she barely spoke.  Sharing stupid anecdotes is how you get to know people you've never really talked to before!  It's not like you're going to be talking religion, politics, or the origins of the cosmos!   

Of course with her family, she was social (as was I, miss her parents sometimes), but after she split my parents black she would barely even go over to their house for dinner.  My parents later said they tolerated having her around because they loved me more than they disliked her.  :)