BPDFamily.com

Ok‚ so I'm not the parent in this situation, but I am the auntie of a beautiful, sweet, happy 8mo baby girl! Her mother is my SIL, an uBPD.  My H and I currently live with her and have since baby was born.  My SIL is in her mid-30s, not much older than myself, but has two other children, ages 17 and 20! So having a new baby seemed a bit odd, esp since she kept it from everyone until she couldn't anymore. And her relationship with the BD is anything but healthy or stable.  When he is not here after she kicks him out, which sometimes lasts days, weeks and one time a few months, is when things get kinda bad.  And let me tell you, that little girl is the easiest baby I've ever been around, and she's so happy(stil). But the things that are said to her on a daily basis are things that no child should ever hear in a lifetime.  I don't think I've ever heard so many vulgar, hurtful things all together in my lifetime! She's not allowed to cry or make a sound for the most part.  Her normal vocalization sounds like whining and fussing when its really just all she knows is screaming and crying.  Thank goodness for  babys U, my BIL, he watches her when her M doesn't want to, which is almost all the time.  And when her M is up with her she pays no attention at all to her, just let's her crawl around while she's stuck to her phone or laptop stalking and obsessing over the BD. I'm very aware that its child neglect and child abuse.  She doesn't deserve that baby and I personally dont think she even wants her.  My H and I are stuck in a difficult situation because we live in her home and have no other option right now.  I'm at a loss for what to do. I guess I'm venting but would like some other input or advice.  Thanks!

Yikes, that must be a tough thing to watch. If I may ask, like what is she saying to the baby?

Maybe a good idea to video her on the sly, you might need it later to protect the baby if things escalate.

That is heartbreaking. Do you worry about the baby's safety once your and your H move out?

It's not easy being in the orbit of someone who is uBPD, who isn't seeking treatment. How are you holding up?

People with BPD often lack the skills needed to handle stress, so add a baby to that, plus no permanent stable father and it can be very chaotic for the child. In child psychology, they refer to it as disorganized attachment. Do you notice any signs that the baby is afraid of her mom?

Hi bravhart1,

      I have been thinking about finding a way to record her, whether thru voice or video.  But voice would be much easier! It definitely needs to be done! And as for the things she says, she tells her to shut the F up alot, calls her the B and C words multiple times.  Yells that shes annoying and just like her POS dad.  She mocks her cries and screams them at her. so much more but I try not to listen, it's heartbreaking.



Hi Livednlearned,

             Her safety is a major concern of ours which is a reason my H does not want to move out unless things are better! As for me, I'm trying hard and struggling to keep myself together and sane.  I have bad anxiety problems myself and they have gotten much worse living here.  But I find ways to cope, I just don't know how much longer i can take it. She lacks skills to handle every aspect of life, stress is definitely the worst. I'm not sure about baby being afraid of her, but I know that when she starts yelling and throwing things baby stops crying for those few seconds/minutes. She's way more attached to her U, my BIL.  She smiles so bright at the site of him and gets so upset when he leaves her with her M.

Ugh. I agree with video or audiotaping her and collecting evidence.  Social workers and courts don't like to take babies away from their biological parents, so you'd have to show this sort of pattern.  Maybe there's a subtle way to convince her to give you the child and work out an agreement if it came to it.  Please document everything.  At some point you could talk to child welfare people about it, but only once there's a need.

I hear so many heartbreaking stories of abused kids and no one around them did anything to stop the abuse, so good for you for taking an interest. This wonderful baby definitely needs your intervention.