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How is it possible my ex of almost 4 years went from loving me and our (15 month old) daughter more than any two people in the world to seeing a new guy and not wanting to see either of us? Its only been 3 weeks and she's already moved on from our family and life together, just prior to the breakup she looked me right in the eyes and said shes never been more happy in her life and she will love me forever!

Sorry you are having to go through this.  Many of us have gone through similar struggles... .so you are in the right place.

I want to encourage you to starting thing about this as the "disorder" talking... and not the person that you love. 

My hope for you is that you can learn how the "order to the disorder" plays out in your r/s... .and then figure out how to make some positive changes.

   

What have you read in the lessons so far that reminds you of your r/s (relationship)

I've read a lot about the disorder but I don't understand not missing your family and a life you were so fond of. If she were seeing a more stable guy one who was better for her and our daughter I could better understand this but he lives with his mother, has no vehicle and works as a bag boy at a local food store ?

I am sorry, I have not dealt with the cheating. I don't believe my BPDH has cheated, although most of them do, so I could be wrong.

I would say if she is doing this then you need to move on. Being in a relationship with a BPD person is the hardest thing ever and that is even when they are trying. Do what is best for you and your daughter.

Technically it's not cheating, she left me 3 weeks ago and has been seeing the new guy ever since.

True... .I still say move on and do what is best for you and your daughter. You guys deserve to be happy!

Hi DavidJulius,

I can hear your confusion and sadness through your words. The suddenness that a pwBPD or BPD traits can up and leave without warning, never looking back, leaves many such as yourself searching for answers.

You will find many answers to your questions here on this site. You will also find information about ways you can be kind to yourself and look after your own emotional well-being.

I am very sorry that this has happened to you, it must be difficult having a child caught up in this also. It is great step that you have taken for both you and your daughter in deciding to post for support here with us. |iiii

Thank you, I just can't understand how she can do this to our daughter. She will justify her actions against me with lies and my reaction to her explosive temper but how can she justify treating her daughter like this? My ex is a good person who just has monthly battles with her temper and sometimes makes up elaborate lies about me being a porn star with random people behind her back but she always comes around and realizes how crazy that is

Hi DavidJulius,

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187

I hope this might help you find some explanations for why your wife is behaving as she is. That said it must be heartbreaking for you to see the impact this will be having on your daughter, she must be finding all the changes to her routines very unsettling.

You mentioned that be able to spend time looking after your daughter helps you feel better. Whilst you read around the lessons, focus on your relationship with your daughter, it sounds like you will be the one person that is able to offer her emotional security and stability.

What are the arrangements in place for access to your daughter, have things gone as far as all this being explored yet ?

What do you want to happen in the short and long term, how would you feel if the situation with your wife changes ?

I am aware that you are posting on the Staying Board is this because you feel there maybe a possibility that your wife will return, is this what you want ?

I hope you don't mind the questions I have posted, you don't have to answer them, but they might be a starting point for you to begin to think about your wants and needs in all of this are.

My daughter is splitting time between both houses, fortunately majority of the time she's here with me. I don't have a long or short term plan yet, I'm making good progress with my ex getting her to see me as not all bad and showing her I'm supportive and still there for her despite the circumstances. If the situation changes and we end up back together I'm going to practice staying clam and not taking her anger or temper personally and I'll make every effort to give her nothing to become upset about. Yes, having her back and he getting the help she needs and deserves is what I want. Like Dido said in the song White Flag: I will go down with this ship I won't put my hands up and surrender, There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be : )