BPDFamily.com

Been on here before. 2nd Relationship with a BPD Women. Wont bore you with all the details been here before but she ticks every box. I admittedly have Narcissistic traits has she has pointed out. Pot, Kettle, Black springs to mind. To cut a long story short we had a very sexual relationship for 3 monthes. It was going great and when we got real close has is true to form she went cold, arguments started and the rrelationship ended. Anyway has is a common BPD trait they always like to have a hold over you. In January this year I stupidly got a Mobile Contract Phone out for her in my name. My credit rating is good, hers is mud. Soon after we finished. Since then the problem is she keeps missing payments and ive paid to protect my credit rating has I want a mortgage so ive paid a few bills

She met another person and whats bugging me is shes been in a relationship with him longer than me. Granted he lives a lot further away than I did, other end of the country. Now don't think bad of me but I keep in shape, muscualar, well dressed etc, he is fat, scruffy etc and they make out so happy on Facebook. Yes I have a ego and my weakness is I sometimes think with my you know what and we had a great sex life. I have had sex with her once since shes been with him and last week she rung me in the early hours why she was staying with him saying how she misses me, and shes  not happy etc. Hands up thinking with my you know what again. Anyway tonight after telling me shes not happy with him she posts a profile pic with him on Facebook all lovey dovey. Im fuming. So I told her im paying off the remaining phone contract off on Monday. Do you think she has had this to have a hold over me and am I doing the right thing paying it off to get rid. Yes I want to hurt her back a bit.

In my opinion i think you should do what you can to get loose of the ropes that attach you to her.

Nothing good comes out of them. Mine was a liar, betrayed me with a bunch of guys and still wanted to be friends and have her added on facebook.No way, its just ways for them to have some control and be able to see how you are or contact you sometime. Then i said, No! She said my love was limited and that i rejected her not giving her another chance. Mine asked for her things but when she saw i wasnt coming back she said i could give them later as they are winter clothes and we are on summer.

The contract you have is your rope attached to her. She already tries to push you with other means (the messages) but this one is another safeguard as its something she uses but is in your name.

I guess it is your decision but this is my humble opinion.

RD... .BPD Magnet, or Man In Search of BPD?  Probably not consciously, but what is it you are drawn to in these women?  That is the controlling element, not what the women choose to do when they meet you.

If you are not continuing a relationship with her, there is not a good reason to be providing her with a phone contract.  You can only guess why she might be cheating on him with you, but you can be certain about why you keep the phone contract in place.  It is not necessarily spiteful to cancel the contract.  Are you keeping it in place to keep a hold on her?  And what is the surprise that she posts happy photos on FB while with him, when she was calling you while with him?  Isn't that just a continuation of the same duplicitous behavior?  Are you having sex with her while she is in a "relationship" because you want to have a hold on her?  

I don't think she can maintain a "hold" on you without your consent and participation.  

I sound a bit curt here... .apologies if I am off base.  She sounds quite consistent in her inconsistent behavior.  It can be hard for us to see it when we are in it and thinking with our nether regions!  How I know it... .

Shes not cheating on me, shes actually in a relationship with him. Hands up im not entirely blameless in this. I have slept with her once since shes been with him which tells me she probably did it on me when I was with her. She makes out she loves him on Facebook etc yet she rings me 4 nights ago saying she misses me and shes coming hone soon, now today a lovey dovey pic on Facebook. Ive been weak where sex is concerned I agree. Ive been told they hold a part of their partners to keep a hold of them so im thinking her not paying her bills is purposely keeping me there. After I saw the Facebook pic of her tonight and I informed her I am paying off the phone contract on Monday she didn't seem very happy but knowing BPD women I know I have to stay strong. Its costing me £500 English Pounds to buy it out but after that she has no hold on me and im hoping that will be a little payback. Only advantage to me is my Credit Rating is even better

Im hate to say this, but I am glad I am not alone.  I too, am recovering from my second consecutive relationship with a uBPD waif.  Both did the same as yours, and are now with someone else as soon as I was chewed up and spit out.  Not only do I feel completely empty and worthless at this point, back to back BPDs have pretty much drained me of any trust.  I have no idea how long its going to take to recover. 

Like you, I too had red flags right off the bat.  I ignored them with the second, as I was made aware of them after researching my first.  I can honestly say, it was the EXACT same relationship... .except the second time I wasnt being accused of cheating as much... .but she was spying at me under the bathroom door as I was in there.  

I hope that you will learn, as I have now, that it is NEVER worth it in the end.  Once the red flags are waved, its time to retreat.  For self preservation.

And yes, you are right.  My most recent ex loved to hold things over me as well as an attempted method of control.  If I didnt do things her way, she would threaten to leave me.  I would leave her instead... .and then she would call me and ask to come back home.    She currently refuses to give me back the engagement ring... .trying to keep a hold over me and control the break up, no doubt.  

IMHO the way she is not paying off the phone bill and the Facebook games and giving you sex once in a blue moon to show you what you are missing out on - these are all acts of disrespect to yourself.  Now I too would say I have narcissistic traits and such disrespect can wound us deeply with shame so that we try and fix the issue so we can remove the shame.  So we try again and again to get the relationship right.  You are being strung along and she is very clever in this game.  You are being controlled. Time to step away and work on yourself.  In terms of Facebook I never opened an account and I am glad I did not - I would suggest you configure it so that you cannot view her profile and vice-versa.

Ive now Blocked heron Facebook. Im angry at paying this Bill off but im thinking shes using that has having a hold over me so im going to look at it as money well spent. Ive been through these games with a former BPD so I know their games now and you cant win. Well the only way you can win is by closing the door on them. If I kept this phone contract open it would be till end of next year. No Contact is the only thing that hurts them.