BPDFamily.com

Hello!

New to the BPD support group and needing insight.

Is anyone else who has been/or is currently in a relationship with someone suffering BPD ever been the subject of multiple and repeated breakup attempts, only to have the person regret their decision and promise to never mention divorce again a few days to weeks later? Spouse and i have been together 5 years, married 3, and i've never experienced a pattern in a relationship like this. Having a discussion on what seems like should be a mild topic, gets a little out of hand, and at the end of the argument, spouse is fuming, highly volatile, and proclaiming he wants a divorce. Several times he or i have physically moved out of the house and lived elsewhere, only to have him realize that it's not what he wanted after all, is willing to "try again", only to have the pattern repeated again several months to a year later?

it's been a struggle living between the extremes of being happily married and then splitting up for the past several years. i am reading books specifically for communicating with someone with BPD, attending personal therapy, and will be attending a mindfulness meditation group weekly in an effort to learn how to better communicate with my spouse and control my own emotions. He is currently in DBT therapy weekly and attending DBT groups also weekly, so he is trying and aware. Was looking for any insight or similar stories and was curious what may have worked or didn't work. Thanks!

Oh yeah, I've experienced it. And, from what I've read, it's very a very common pattern. It wouldn't surprise me that, those times he comes crawling back, he doesn't take full responsibility and says things like "I'm sorry, but if you hadn't ___ we wouldn't be in this situation" or "It YOUR fault" or "You make me ___" or "I did ___ because YOU ___" or "I lost my temper, but this could have all been avoided if you had just ___."
I'm really glad he's in DBT.
Best wishes to you. Hang in there.