|
Title: DD 17 threatens to run away every time Post by: happysad on September 22, 2020, 09:45:11 AM :help:
My DD 17 now gets out of the house and threatens to run away every time she is not allowed to do something, for instance, go out in the morning instead of attending online school. We have established a rule that from 9AM to 1PM she is to stay home to attend virtual school and work on assignments. She does not "accept" this rule because "that's not what she needs". And now when we enforce it, she gets out and says she is not coming back. How do you deal with this? Her therapist suggests that drastic actions should be met with drastic consequences: she runs away, you call the police. Shorter than that, what do you do if DD/DS always come back a few hours afterwards? Title: Re: DD 17 threatens to run away every time Post by: Swimmy55 on September 24, 2020, 08:54:54 PM Your therapist is right. I know you don't want him/ her to be right. My son did the same at 14. I called the police. I know you don't want to, but if you explain the situation, they don't come up with lights blaring and sirens roaring ( at least not in my circumstance). They were with me when I noticed him down the street walking back to the house.
Here is some reading I found on this forum that may be helpful: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202014.0 Title: Re: DD 17 threatens to run away every time Post by: Huat on September 25, 2020, 12:47:53 AM Hello HappySad :hi:
As I read your post, my heart goes out to you...and...it also brings back painful memories to me. Our daughter first ran away when she was 12 and that was at a time when there was a yet-to-be-captured serial killer of teens in our area. In a span of about 2 years she ran 4 times...once even hopped a Greyhound with another girl her age to travel miles away. This same daughter is now 54. When she got too old to be deemed a run-away, she would cut us out of her life...our granchildren's lives. Currently we are into yet another long period of being estranged...now at the 4-year mark. It really is pointless to reflect then say..."If only I had..." With that said, there are times when I do fall into that pit. I think back to the young Mom I was... who was devastated...so, so scared...bending over backwards to keep her home...keep her safe. I was so emotional and she read the signs...plotted her course for the years to follow. While there may be similarities in a lot of the stories told here, for sure all situations are different therefore giving advice to someone is tricky. You, though, are in touch with your daughter's therapist who has a better picture of the situation and he/she is suggesting "drastic actions should be met with drastic consequences." As a much older Mom who has been (still is) in the trenches I tend to agree with the therapist. You cannot let yourself be held hostage. You have to keep the upper hand...set boundaries...work on appropriate consequences. Bottom line...only so much is in our power to keep them safe. The rest is up to them. I so urge you, HappySad, to continue on here. There is a bumpy road ahead for you...your family...and for your troubled daughter. You will need all the support you can get as you work on changes that can make for better days ahead for all of you. As long as your daughter is in control, there is no need for her to change. Change will have to start with you. Hugs to you... :hug:...from Huat And...to you Swimmy55...great research in finding that long-ago thread of posts. |iiii How well it fit in here! |