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Title: She got mad at me when I wasn't warm and receptive Post by: takingandsending on December 05, 2014, 12:30:21 PM After two solid days of warding off dysregulations, I actively listened and engaged with my uBPDw last night for 35 minutes. At a good stopping point, I mentioned that I had to go down to clean the dishes and kitchen before bedtime.
It was the typical mess. Took me a half hour of cleaning. As soon as I started the dishwasher, I heard her footsteps coming downstairs. She straightened a couple of papers on the counter and began talking to me. This is her typical pattern. I work all day, come home and play with kids, eat dinner (that she makes to her credit), give baths, do bed time reading, spend time with her, then clean the kitchen. She holes upstairs painting or facebooking on the computer and comes to engage with me only when I am done (although she does read to S3 and help him to bed). It's my only time for myself or more often, I just want to go to sleep at this point. Anyway, she got mad at me when I wasn't warm and receptive to more conversation and accused me of ignoring her and stormed back upstairs. So tired of the lack of help in keeping the house clean, in the disparity in self time, and the invalidation of time spent together. It was her choice not to engage and also help when I was cleaning. It's always her choice, and I always get the projection of fault. Oh well, I am off for 2 weeks on travel to Australia (hi Waverider!) - wonder what the house will look like when I get home? |