BPDFamily.com

Codependency is often talked about and poorly defined or understood. One important thing to consider is whether your behavior is a lifelong pattern or it is situational. And example of situational would be you only had the issues in one relationship or during a specific time (e.g., taking care of an aging parent or at end of life).

Timmen Cermak, M.D., proposed that co-dependency be listed as a personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III-R; American Psychiatric Association, 1987). Cermak reasoned that when specific personality traits become excessive and maladaptive and cause significant impairment in functioning or cause significant distress, it warrants a personality disorder diagnosis.Cermak's definition was published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs in 1986. To this day, this is recognized as the most clinical interpretation of co-dependency.

Cermak proposed a life-long patern of the following criteria for this disorder.

 :check: Continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others in the face of serious adverse consequences.

 :check: Assumption of responsibility for meeting others' needs to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own.

 :check: Anxiety and boundary distortions relative to intimacy and separation.

 :check: Enmeshment in relationships with personality disordered, chemically dependent, other co‐dependent, or impulse‐disordered individuals.
    
 :check: Three or more of the following:

.

___ Excessive reliance on denial ___ Constriction of emotions (with or without dramatic outbursts) ___ Depression ___ Hypervigilance ___ Compulsions ___ Anxiety ___ Substance use disorder ___ Has been (or is) the victim of recurrent physical or sexual abuse ___ Stress-related medical illnesses ___ Has remained in a primary relationship with a person who continues to recreationally use drugs for at least two years without seeking outside help.

Codependency has not been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders; DSM-III-R or later versions.

I have realised since joining bpd family in early 2021 that I am definitely codependent. I have had this issue in all of my previous relationships, but it became far worse when I got together with my wife in 2014, to the point that I was asking her permission to eat, go to the toilet, read texts, answer my phone, go to sleep, get up, accept a job, wear new clothes etc. For some reason I feel like I was searching for a relationship where my feelings and experience of life were entirely in another person’s hands. I am totally over that feeling now. I have been fighting for my independence since I realised how bad things had become, and that I want to be a good role model for my children, especially as they have a bpd mother who at times is very extreme. Despite not entering therapy, I have made lots of progress, and I am ever thankful for my dear friends on here for their continued support. Ironically my wife has forbidden me to attend therapy as a deal breaker in our marriage. And I know that it is the codependent within me that doesn’t yet have the strength to fight this one.