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Title: Is it weird... Post by: Sharkey167 on February 20, 2013, 06:42:39 PM Hi guys. So I'm almost 7 months post breakup. Doing a ton better. I know my ex is getting to know someone else.
I'm kinda torn as to how to feel about it all now. Originally I was bothered with intense jealousy, but part of me is hopeful for her. She's a good person at heart but has her issues. She has recognized them and is seeking help. I'm at an odd place where I have the natural jealousy of an ex and the "wishing her the best" mentality at the same time. I still really care about her and ultimately do want her to be happy. I hope that the next person can handle things better than I did. I'm not getting involved but I guess my question is did anyone else try to have positive feelings about their ex's new interest? Hoping that this sad person we have spent so much of our time, energy, and love on can at least find some happiness someday even if it's not with us? Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: TheDude on February 20, 2013, 06:51:17 PM Yes, I do hope she finds peace of mind and happiness, but I know that the key to that happening isn't related to any new interest(s) that might somehow be better equipped to juggle the madness. If anything, I'd probably feel sorry for them.
Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: Sharkey167 on February 21, 2013, 07:54:05 AM Yes, I do hope she finds peace of mind and happiness, but I know that the key to that happening isn't related to any new interest(s) that might somehow be better equipped to juggle the madness. If anything, I'd probably feel sorry for them. Agree 100%. I do feel sorry for him/them too but hopefully she can get her stuff worked out somewhat. Though ultimately I know she can't change that much, just gain more understanding and self control. Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: hithere on February 21, 2013, 11:10:42 AM Excerpt If anything, I'd probably feel sorry for them. Same way I feel. I don't know that she will ever be happy, I just feel bad for all the people she will continue to hurt, including her kids and new victims. Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: broken but not beaten on February 22, 2013, 06:30:22 PM Personally I would want her to be happy also but doubt that will happen until she recognises her behaviour,maybe we all wonder what if she can change for the other guy but I can't see it,I wouldn't want to know until I'm fully healed that's why lc and strict nc when I've sorted last few bits Is what I will be doing,I don't want any set backs hearing from her or how she's doing not out of spite but for my own sanity and mental health
Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: whatarideout on February 23, 2013, 12:55:58 AM Hoping that this sad person we have spent so much of our time, energy, and love on can at least find some happiness someday even if it's not with us? someone who suffers from a mental illness will never "find" happiness like a pirate finally comes across the buried treasure he's been searching for. "happiness" is a state of mind. you cant find it. you create it. period. because of the state of mind a BPD is in, there is zero chance of creating the reality of happiness in their world. they don't have the knowledge or skill set to create such a nature. the only thing they know how to do is mirror someone else's and take it on as their own. a person with BPD has no sense of "self". no identity. how are they going to create happiness when they don't even know who they are? what is happiness to a person who relies on mirroring another persons characteristics? you can't define happiness for yourself if you have no self. impossible. the only thing a BPD will find, is another host to supply them with the emotional substance they lack to produce themselves. that's all they know. that's how they survive. if you want to "hope" for someone, go look in the mirror. that's the person you need to spend the most time, energy and love on. Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: Sharkey167 on February 25, 2013, 10:21:53 AM Hoping that this sad person we have spent so much of our time, energy, and love on can at least find some happiness someday even if it's not with us? someone who suffers from a mental illness will never "find" happiness like a pirate finally comes across the buried treasure he's been searching for. "happiness" is a state of mind. you cant find it. you create it. period. because of the state of mind a BPD is in, there is zero chance of creating the reality of happiness in their world. they don't have the knowledge or skill set to create such a nature. the only thing they know how to do is mirror someone else's and take it on as their own. a person with BPD has no sense of "self". no identity. how are they going to create happiness when they don't even know who they are? what is happiness to a person who relies on mirroring another persons characteristics? you can't define happiness for yourself if you have no self. impossible. the only thing a BPD will find, is another host to supply them with the emotional substance they lack to produce themselves. that's all they know. that's how they survive. if you want to "hope" for someone, go look in the mirror. that's the person you need to spend the most time, energy and love on. I agree that they mirror but do you really feel that nothing about them is their true selves? Title: Re: Is it weird... Post by: whatarideout on February 25, 2013, 02:44:13 PM I agree that they mirror but do you really feel that nothing about them is their true selves? what is your definition of a "true self"? |