Title: Going from NC to LC this Thursday and I'm freaking out Post by: Charlie3236 on March 28, 2017, 01:38:15 AM I've been learning so much from this site over the past year, but I still feel very unprepared to spend time around BPD little sis. She has a knack for knowing exactly what buttons to push and when to get people really riled-up. She's sweet as pie until just the right moment when she sees that defenses are down, then she hammers ya. I feel I need to keep the visit very short and be prepared to deflect and or/leave. We're meeting in public, so that's a safeguard. I just wish I had a list of the zingers she's preparing so I don't get so defensive!
Does someone have the link for the SET approach, I can't find it anywhere. Thanks! Title: Re: Going from NC to LC this Thursday and I'm freaking out Post by: Panda39 on March 28, 2017, 06:40:03 AM Take a deep breath
Here is a link on SET https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0 Good to get a refresher on SET better communication can only help when meeting with your sister. You might also think about what your boundaries will be. You've already set a couple of boundaries by having this meeting in a public setting and keeping it short. If she starts throwing out those zingers do you have boundaries around that? I think having a plan before hand can help if things become emotional, it's hard to think on your feet when emotions are high. I think preparation can help. I tend to come from a 3 strikes and you're out frame of mind... . Zinger Use SET to tell her that was hurtful Zinger Tell her your boundary (SET - boundary) Zinger Enforce your boundary Hopefully all will go well and you have a nice lunch together but if it doesn't you can always leave... .this isn't mean, this isn't rude, this is taking care of you. Good luck, I hope you have a nice visit with your sister. Panda39 Title: Re: Going from NC to LC this Thursday and I'm freaking out Post by: Naughty Nibbler on March 28, 2017, 11:24:30 AM Hey Charlie3236: Best wishes with your meeting with your sister. Another tool to use is "I" Statement (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDExNRJCUp0) . It could help to think through some past issues and perhaps prepare some "I" Statements in advance. It can take some practice. |