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Title: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Bair on October 26, 2014, 11:52:47 PM I sort of ran away yesterday. I was headed out to participate in club match. I normally do that 2-3 times a month. It was a fairly routine Saturday morning. What was not normal was the way I just about fled the house. An issue had come up about my adult stepdaughter involving her father's visit interfering with a cousin's visit. The way my w was asking questions really put me on edge. I am not sure if it was the tone of her voice, the questions, or the way she goes back and asks questions that have, at least to my way of thinking, already been answered.
Any way, I was sure that a BPD event building. I became very anxious. I felt fearful and I got out of the house as fast as I could. I think leaving was the best option for several reasons. 1) I would have resented missing the match had I stayed to help defuse the situation. 2) My past attempts to "defuse" sometimes made things worse. 3) I question the appropriateness of me playing referee / peacemaker between the two. I wish I could say I thought about those three things and made a rational decision. I didn't think about that stuff. I was motivated by fear. I didn't want to be there to see what came next. I ran away like a frightened child. Not too happy about that. Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Grey Kitty on October 27, 2014, 01:53:32 PM You say you did it out of fear, and don't like that. I get that, but I think this is more important:
If you could re-do yesterday, with plenty of time to think, would you leave at the same time in the same way? Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Bair on October 27, 2014, 11:30:40 PM I would have left maybe ten minutes later.
Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Grey Kitty on October 28, 2014, 02:48:22 AM What would you have done in those extra 10 minutes?
Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Bair on October 28, 2014, 02:51:08 PM More likely than not, I 'd have remembered to take my phone and a snack. Running out didn't impact me much. The thing is what about next time?
I may have to more or less stay. I have to be able to handle the situation by handling myself. Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Grey Kitty on October 28, 2014, 03:39:13 PM It sounds like you are glad you stayed out of the conflict b/t your W and her adult daughter.
And wish you had spent a few calm moments to think about what you needed for yourself as you left. Pat your terrified self on the back--you did manage to act in accordance with your values, and only inconvenienced yourself a little bit by being rash. Title: Re: what i did worked out ok, however my motivation was fear Post by: Bair on October 29, 2014, 10:02:11 PM thanks
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