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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: skynry on July 15, 2015, 05:58:51 PM



Title: Trying to save my Marriage... or not?
Post by: skynry on July 15, 2015, 05:58:51 PM
Hi, I'm new here and have never really posted in a forum before. I am a 28 year old mom of 2 kids and I'm pretty sure I've reached my emotional limit in my marriage. My husband has not been diagnosed with BPD but after doing hours upon hours of research I'm 99% sure he has high-functioning BPD. This is all so very overwhelming to me so please excuse this post if it is all over the place. I've always known something was emotionally wrong with him, but i chalked it up to depression. Through out the years and 2 kids I feel as though I have experienced every symptom of BPD with him. When we first started dating I had moved away for a few months and that sent him into a severe depressive state and when I went to see his family for a week I thought for sure he would have a nervous breakdown. He has rages anytime we argue. He has broken the same hand twice from punching doors. Our house has a lot of dents and patched holes from him slamming his head, or throwing things, or punching walls. I've been called every name in the book with an immediate I'm sorry following the rages. So many times he's left our house with a gun and told me I would never see him again. I've gone to the point of taking him to our local hospital and had him admitted for fear he would do something to himself. When we have serious conversations he takes what I say and twists it around. He gets mad at me when I'm frustrated. He can't handle finances, and spends money like it grows on trees. When he does spend it, he finds a way to legitimize the purchases. He doesn't help around the house, almost as if he is blind to what needs to be done. He trespasses onto railroads and graffiti's train cars and has been stopped and now has a criminal record for it, yet when my son doesn't follow the rules he hands down harsh punishments. I feel like he is telling my son, ":)o as I say, not as I do." I've gone through the honeymoon stage if you will, where he was always so loving and kind, now I get that side of him if he wants to be intimate or if he wants me to do something for him. I can't keep up with how many times he wants to have sex, so he watches porn multiple times a week. All we ever talk about are his feelings and who he feels has wronged him. He is overly sensitive and is offended by the simplest things. He over reacts if he feel someone said something mean or rude to him, but he has no problem "joking" about what he doesn't like about everyone, including me. This isn't a healthy situation for myself or the kids to be in and I have an opportunity to get myself and the kids out of the situation and I'm going to try and take it. The thing I worry about is how far he will go to get back at me for leaving. He has never been physically abusive, but now that I have found this disorder my whole world has been flipped upside down and I'm not sure how to handle things. Sorry this is so long, but getting some of this out in the open has helped a little bit. Thank you to whoever reads this and if anyone has any advise or resources that I could us, I would be so grateful.


Title: Re: Trying to save my Marriage... or not?
Post by: formflier on July 15, 2015, 06:29:15 PM


I am glad that you found us.  I didn't know how to handle things either.  This site has been a big part of my support system.  My life and relationship with my wife is so much better.  I have hope for the future.

Please look over the lessons

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206

I don't know enough about your story yet to point you to a particular one... .but skim them... .post about things that catch your eye.

  I'm not sure how to handle things. 

Here is the good news.  There is an "order to the disorder".  Understanding that gives you the power to get your life and your relationship back to a better place.

Do you want to get to a better place?

Looking forward to seeing future posts from you.  Please take one recent incident that really bothered you... .and try to tell the story here.  We'll start from there on your journey to a healthier place.

Last:  Do either of you attend therapy?

FF