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Title: Wanting to learn how to better navigate my relationship Post by: lawrengitis on July 03, 2017, 02:02:44 AM I've been with my fiance for 3+ years now and she has BPD. Honestly 90% of the time or more everything is great, but there are times when I don't understand, I do or say something that upsets her a lot that if it were me I wouldn't think twice about. Sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells in those situations. I love her more than anything and I just want to help her when things upset her and sometimes me trying to make things better makes them worse. So I just want to learn whatever possible that can make things easier for her and us when those times happen or how to try to avoid them altogether. I want to and plan on marrying and spending my life with this woman so anything that can make that life better and easier for her is what I want
Title: Re: Wanting to learn how to better navigate my relationship Post by: Mutt on July 03, 2017, 02:03:45 PM Hi lawrengitis,
*welcome* I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm glad that you decided to join us. I love her more than anything and I just want to help her when things upset her and sometimes me trying to make things better makes them worse. I can relate with how walking on eggshells feels like, there are things that you can do like the inflection in your voice, your facial expressions and above all of that - validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating). Please keep in mind that BPDi is an emotional dysregulation disorder, a pwBPD don't have the ability to self sooth or self regulate their emotions and return to their emotional baseline of happiness. Don't take it personally it's something she's going through, we're not responsible for other people feelings, we're suppose to self manage. The lessons are on the right side of the board |---> we have a all sorts of material around the site and you can check / join discussions from fellow members Title: Re: Wanting to learn how to better navigate my relationship Post by: Triedmybest408 on July 03, 2017, 03:08:09 PM I've been with my fiance for 3+ years now and she has BPD. Honestly 90% of the time or more everything is great, but there are times when I don't understand, I do or say something that upsets her a lot that if it were me I wouldn't think twice about. Sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells in those situations. I love her more than anything and I just want to help her when things upset her and sometimes me trying to make things better makes them worse. So I just want to learn whatever possible that can make things easier for her and us when those times happen or how to try to avoid them altogether. I want to and plan on marrying and spending my life with this woman so anything that can make that life better and easier for her is what I want I feel like we are the same person, 95% of the time its amazing and beautiful what we have... the 5% can get scary when you aren't ready for it at least for me. I can't help much as I am new to this as well, I want to plan our wedding and move on with life. Some things that have really helped #1 for me trying not to take it personal when they attack or you are making it worse or they tend to blame you for why they are acting out. I don't know if my validation has gotten better but that seems to help everyone on here. good luck! venting on here and learning has helped me so much in such short time. Welcome to the family as everyone says |