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That she found what is wrong with me. Told me she isnt suppose to tell me, but went on and pointed out everything she sees that is wrong with me. Since I told her about the trash can I left outside for cig. Means I'm changing the subject and since I didnt continue the conversation that I am the problem and that I need to change. ...

Isnt on every site that if u figure out whats wrong ur suppose to work on urself cuz u can't change other ppl just urself.

I'm so tired o f hearing I'm wrong, I'm the problem, I'm the worst mom. Yet she never says that... . only 20 times a week. Now she is placating me. I'm not saying I'm without fault but if its rubbed in ur face everyday it gets old. All I want to do is point out all of hers, but I know that will get me no where if not worse. I just need to scream at the top of my lunga till I lose my voice. I used no communication skills I lost it. Im so frustrated. Mind you after a week of no sex we made love last night and than I wake up to this. Y do I do this to myself? Its never going to change she enjoys stress, frustration, and making me miserable.  She has alienated me from everyone.  I am wrong for turning to my family for help so I am not allowed to talk to them. My brother told me to leave and let her kill herself the last time it got bad n she was cutting herself and saying she was going to kill herself. So my brother is a bad guy. I should have called the cops but she has mw so convinced that they would take her n i'd get in trouble. Im so sorry I just need to get it out. Im still drowning just with more information.

All I keep hearing is I need to leave. How do u leave the person u waited 14 yrs for? She has taken everything. I had an apartment and am suv n family. Now I have nothing. No place of my own no car no family or friends. All my friends are bad of course ya know everyone is bad. But thats no what she wants. How can u say something n five min later deni everything u said. I feel like nothing anymore.  I cant find myself.

The lid on my bottle of emotions has popped off. Im so mad!

Please dont think I'm crazy even tho I feel crazy. I probably look crazy sitting here crying and yelling at phone.

I just cant talk to anyone else and I feel so alone. This thunderstorm is fitting today.

I am feeling you today. I have been all over these forums the past few days to try and make sense of this and try and feel better. At this point I am not angry. Just confused, my head is spinning wondering what to do next.

I was told, "I love you and still want to be with you but I m giving my 2 months notice." What?

I have nothing and he knows that. I have some money saved but because he helped me to buy a new car I have a car payment and will be living paycheck to paycheck now. That's ok, because his name is on that car too. I have no furniture. It's all his. He helped me out of a difficult living situation in which I left everything behind to get out faster.

I will have an apartment I can barely afford and a car and my new kitten, but nothing to sleep on, no dishes to eat on. Nothing. Oh well, maybe it will be better this way. I still seem to think he is playing a control game because we went shopping for patio furniture and new plates a few weekends back. He bought me some new floor mats for my car that were quite expensive. He took me to dinner at a nice restaurant 2 nights ago.

He makes twice as much money as me yet insists he is going to move in with his father in 2 months. Why would he do all these things, help me get a car and get an apartment to turn around and leave me high and dry?

OK, yes, I am a bit angry. But I am so tired of being angry that I just can't do it anymore. I am lost and confused, wondering what will happen next. I guess we will find out on July 1st, when he has to give that notice.

 

Purple and Bad Kitty,

Hang in there!   

When everything feels like its falling apart. Should u let it fall or cling on desperately to every piece in hope that it will get better? How long must I put myself thru this. How much more can I handle, can my body handle. I'm starting to give in to the feelings inside me. I must be the reason. I'm the one with all the problems. I just want to scream I'm not crazy and I'm not perfect. Im human, I make mistakes but u will never let me live down any lil part of them.

Purple,

Hey... . focus on the things that you can control about you... . and don't let those "fall".  You are not responsible for the rest.  So... if it falls... . it falls. 

You are responsible for your stuff... . and everyone has stuff to work on.  pwBPD are good at projecting things onto you... . if they are putting stuff onto you that is not yours... . it's not yours... . try not to give it a second thought.

Its a very rough time right now (always). Ty for the words of encouragement. I am trying so hard and I just wounder if its worth it. Help is so far away. Why when ppl are saying they need help there is no one to answer the call. She wants help but its hard to find a T that takes her ins and has experience with BPD.