BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I have an adult sibling with BPD who just came to visit me for about five days.  They are in their first round of DBT treatment.  I feel so tired from their time here and like we had a very hard time connecting throughout the trip.  I've been working on reducing my codependency in therapy as well, so I am sure this played a factor in how the visit felt.  I'm  wondering: how do you balance an honest portrayal of yourself while also adjusting the needs of your family member with BPD?

Welcome threebirds,  :hi:

Wow! You must be so tired! Ask any of us here who has a pwBPD in our life and we will be totally able to relate to the whole fatigue issue! I remember when my uBPDm visited, how exhausted I'd get. I was tired before, during, and after the visit. I think it takes so much emotional energy to maintain boundaries and our own healthy place/space when they come. We can only hold that place for so long before we can no longer do it.

I'm very glad to hear that she is in DBT, and also that you were doing your best to be honest with yourself and yet still love her-from a distance that was safe. Remember that you are learning a new dance, in changing the way you interact, and it is no surprise to me that you are tired and that it will take time to learn those new steps. Learning something new is not an easy process for us to be patient with. We want to be done learning it quickly, but with time, you will certainly be there. Hang on!

 
Wools

What do you see as an honest portrayal of yourself? Feeling safe to voice your opinions without having someone jump down your throat and invalidate you?

Hi threebirds,

I can totally relate to what you're saying.  I also feel exhausted before, during and after visits from uBPD mum and sister.  I think that when we live a distance away we are able to be ourselves most of the time and it's hard to put the mask  back on when they come.

Is your sibling threatened by you being your own person and having a life that doesn't involve them?