BPDFamily.com

My 16 year old daughter has been in and out of hospitals 9 times since January 2016, for suicide attempts/ideations. Since the end of October, she has not been living with us as we could no longer keep up the vigilant 24/7 watch over her. She has 2 younger brothers age 11 & 14. She is currently at a department of mental health residential facility. She won't be moving home any time soon. She too often reaches the point where she just wants to die. I know she has severe depression and anxiety, and one psychiatrist tossed out the BPD diagnosis to us. I have been reading everything I can find on the subject. My daughter fits the diagnosis completely, unfortunately. So can anyone tell me why clinicians seem to avoid this diagnosis blatantly and dealing with it when it is clearly what she has? It's the elephant in the room that doesn't get discussed. How is she supposed to understand herself and what is needed to help her if everyone is avoiding the BPD diagnosis?

A diagnosis usually isn't given to teens, but it's good that at least one professional pointed you in the right direction. I was told by a therapist at my HMO (Kaiser), that even if they suspect a patient has BPD that they won't diagnose, but instead refer them to DBT.

BPD is a shame-based disorder for the sufferer. When my mother finally admitted to me she was BPD, she said that one of her therapists only suggested it on a roundabout way, she realized later. This discussion might help:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68149.0;all

Diagnosis or not, the tools here (in the right margin and at the top of the board) can help you understand and give you tips on more healthy interactions. Given your daughter's struggles with uncontrollable emotions (truthfully,  this can be very hard for us to understand), learning the validation tools can help.  Think of it as baby steps.  Please keep posting and ask any and all questions. We're here to support 

Turkish

My story is very similar to yours.  My 15 yr old daughter spent the majority of 2016 in and out of mental health facilities for suicidal ideation/attempts as well. I always felt like there was something they were sensing but not saying. I suspected that they felt it had something to do with my parenting to some degree since they often talked about her wrt manipulation, etc. I brought up the possibility of  a BPD diagnosis to them, which was dismissed because of her age.

Finally after yet another hospitalization in the summer, our same psychiatrist who didn't want to diagnose her said "she is too classic of a case, and at this point it would be irresponsible of me to not diagnose her". So she was officially diagnosed.

After that I requested her medical records, and it turns out they were noting BPD traits in her right from the first admission.

I do think her psychiatrist was trying to protect her from the stigma of BPD. It is a pretty impactful diagnosis that stays with her with ever future health care worker we see.

It gave me and my daughter a sense of affirmation that everything we were experiencing could now have a name. It made me realize that all of the hushed language was not because they were saying I was a bad parent. I think they were trying to save us from the stigma of the diagnosis.

In the end, DBT is the road to recovery and education on BPD is what will help you through, regardless of diagnosis.

Thinking of your family and the heartbreaking journey you are on with your daughter.

I'm new to this board, but appreciate your honesty and transparency. I adopted two sisters, the oldest I believe with BPD I'm discovering. I have to admit I don't like her much most of the time. And can't wait til she turns 18 and she's gone.  And yet, I know the explosive times are rare now (she's 13) and my heart does change.

I am new and have no wisdom but I wanted to send my support. My 18 yo has only been ill sine the fall but has had psychiatrists throwing out all sorts of dx in that amount if time. On 2/14 the psych said BPD. It at least fits her overwhelming desire to die and occasional rages. I just want what you want. Someone to help my kid. Hugs to you.

@Spanishkiwi I didn't see any separate posts of yours, but if your adopted BPD is only 13 try to get help now.  adopted may have huge abandonment issues, remember the BPD child is feeling a huge amount of pain themselves, and is acting out in awful ways that are incredibly difficult to tolerate.  But I do wish I'd gotten more help for my adopted BPD daughters when they were 13.  I got them some, and they are doing well, but if I'd gotten more help maybe we would have a better relationship now.  You'll have her for those years anyway so sometimes it helps to sort of just try to be a professional parent, also take care of yourself away from the BPD child, and in the long term maybe it will work out. 

Thanks to all of you for your responses. Sometimes it's just comforting to know you're not alone. Not that I would ever wish this on anyone. My daughter was finally just officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist during a recent hospitalization. Her clinicians can no longer ignore her specific needs. The psychiatrist recommended new meds to try, which I must say, even as a pharmacist, I hadn't thought of myself. It's so hard watching your child hurt themselves due to a sense of hopelessness. If only we could make time go by faster for them so there road to recovery didn't seem so long and hopeless. It's so hard on the rest of the family to try to be normal for the sake of others. It's only been just over a year for us and it feels like forever. I don't know how so many of you can remain so vigilant and hopeful for so long. God bless you all

This resonated with me.  I am glad your daughter has received an official diagnosis.  I realize it doesn't change a whole lot - but it does somehow make you feel like now you have a sense of the path that you may be heading on.  Sharing hopes of strength, growth and love for the journey that lies ahead!

Sosadmom-ironically my husband is a pharmacist. Can I ask what meds were recommended for your dd?