Title: I met with counselor today. Post by: Frankee on July 08, 2019, 07:37:38 PM I met with counselor today. I told her about the incident where he choked me that night after going out with our friends. I told her with ease, but then like it flashed in my mind and I started tearing up and almost crying my eyes out. Even she said though that I had a glow about me and seemed happier.
My bph has been eerily quiet. It's very calming when I don't hear from him. He recently kind of had a meltdown and said it was because he didn't have his medicine. I honestly enjoy the no contact. If it wasn't for the kids and having to divorce him, I would had ghosted him weeks ago. I went out Saturday with my girlfriend. We had a lot of fun. Met some new people, had a lot of laughs, even ended up riding a mechanical bull. I have been socializing more. I have even settled in more comfortable with the shelter. Most of the ladies have been here about the same time as me. The transition has helped me. I don't feel so alone. I know the women here have been through some bad things and they are trying to make it just like me. There is some sort of comfort in that. I am moving forward and not feeling so broken. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but for the simple fact that his beautiful words hold no sway over me anymore is a huge step. Title: I met with counselor today. Post by: Skip on July 10, 2019, 03:44:43 PM How are you feeling?
Title: I met with counselor today. Post by: Frankee on July 10, 2019, 10:03:59 PM I feel like at the end of today, I received a swift kick in the behind from the universe. Good and bad.
I met with the guy helping me with my resume and job hunt. He talked about, how things would happen when they were supposed to. Right before I went to a job fair, I received a call from a hotel I interviewed with and start tomorrow. My girlfriend have me a bunch of cute outfits that didn't fit her anymore. Then a friend I had been talking to and maybe liking a bit because he gave me attention, appeared to ghost me. I attempted to just say, hey, what's up? But the email couldn't be found and then the message on a phone app wouldn't send. First I thought that it was my phone, but then I sent other emails/messages to other people, no problem. I laid down to my sleeping S3 and he cuddled up next to me. I laid there and went over the day. I feel today was significant. It was a gain and a loss. I feel it couldn't be anymore clear that something was looking out for me. Whatever you believe. Almost like the universe said.. you need this and this.. you don't need this. I try to be gentle and patient with myself. The things that I have been through with my exbph and the fact that I still get up every day and try hard to take care of everything I have to.. is amazing. In just a month, my entire life has been flipped right side up. I am finally on the path to true happiness. Title: I met with counselor today. Post by: Cat Familiar on July 11, 2019, 10:56:20 AM It’s good to listen clearly to the messages we are getting that are guiding us with clarity, compassion, and kindness.
Title: Re: I met with counselor today. Post by: Skip on July 11, 2019, 12:35:58 PM Then a friend I had been talking to and maybe liking a bit because he gave me attention, appeared to ghost me. What is happening here? Title: Re: I met with counselor today. Post by: Frankee on July 12, 2019, 08:16:09 PM What is happening here? I needed someone to talk to. He was there. He was treating me like a human being. Odd thing is, he messaged. Asked if I was ignoring him, when I didn't reply, he said I take that as a yes and said it was fun while it lasted. I tried to message and my app wouldn't let me. I had already let go of the need for the attention. It may just be the app acting up, but I feel it's not letting me message because there is something guiding me. I also reflected on what he said. That is a red flag and I am glad now I can't talk to him.I dropped the hotel job. They hired me under false impressions. I went to a fast food chain I worked for before and I ended up running in my old boss who is now the store manager. She said she can hire me on immediately as a manager and make the same pay as the hotel. It is by far what I wanted, but I am putting aside my pride and doing what I have to provide for my boys. My time is limited at the shelter and I have to focus on saving money. And the hours are better with my kids. I said something to my stbx. He finally said he didn't want to see me and didn't want to watch S3. Said he wouldn't talk to me until I can be nice and he wasn't going to keep putting up with my negative attitude and being insulted. Little does he know that he just gave me a blessing in disguise. That said on his part makes me feel like the break is slowly happening on his end. I feel he can sense that his pretty words and promises aren't giving any sway like they did every time before. He says at some point I am choosing this (to be angry). I said, you're right. I am choosing this. I am choosing to have a happier and healthier life. |