BPDFamily.com

I haven't posted in awhile. I feel like a veteran of BPD relationships and these boards. I'm doing well in life, I actually appreciate all my ex has put me through. Because of her I feel like nothing can hurt me anymore, because of all I've been through. I know now no matter what I survive and move on.

That however is not why I'm posting today. I'm asking for insight on my latest roller coaster ride with my ex BPD girlfriend. For background we have broken up 4 times including this one, usually staying together 5-6 months then 2-3 month break up then repeat. We have done this for almost 2 and a half years. Our last break up was the worst she said cruel and terrible things to me and we broke up. I won't go into detail because that's not what this post is about.

Another piece of info is after our break up I never took down the profile pic of us on Facebook until two days ago. After we broke up I reached out 3 weeks later to try to get belongings she shut it down and said no. 3 weeks ago she liked an old photo of us on Instagram that I had. That is all the contact that has occurred since our break up 3 months ago.

I chose to finally change my profile picture two days ago. Two days later she liked my new photo of me with the heart. She soon after texted me. Wanting to know why I took so long, implying I was dating other people, making a few sexual comments, flirting, etc. I took this as another 3 month break up and here she comes again. But things changed we were texting until 2 am today and at the end of the conversation she took a turn. She said she had quit drinking but what she was saying usually didn't happen until she was drunk. She claimed to have been heartbroken from our break up even though it was her doing and made her usual excuses all which I figured would happen. I told her I wanted to be on good terms and she sent me a message that has completely confused me. It confuses because it doesn't make sense with all her photo liking, reaching out to me, flirting, etc. so i wanted to see what you all thought. Here is what she last texted, and also for reference it is mostly not true and a skewed point of view making me out to be the bad guy, so why reach out and like photos to end up with this? Anyways she says... .

"I'm going to sleep. But to end on a interesting note. Because of you, I will not date anyone else until the boys are out of high school. I won't do this all again. That's if I'm even interested.
We won't interact after this. -My mother hates you. Because of how you never paid her back. You drove a wedge between her and I because of that damn money. Something so stupid. -And you couldn't commit to moving in and give me any security. That I didn't want to be with you anymore. I am angry with you. But at least now I can get over it."

Can anyone tell me why she went through 3 months no contact to liking my photos to texting me to flirting with me and telling me she stalked me was heartbroken to sending this message? Thanks for the feedback.

Hi KarmasReal,

It sounds like you sense she is drinking again, and that her message/behavior is influenced by alcohol? What is it about her action that raises that as a possibility? It can help to put it in words.

Did you text her anything to encourage the relationship other than, "I want to be on good terms" ?

And do you want to get back together again?

LnL

KarmasReal,

I think that she was putting her feelers out, she said that when she was drunk? I'd wait and see with how she acts when she's sober, livednlearned asked some good questions, are you interested in repairing the r/s?

My honest opinion of this is that it's a girl who obviously had strong feelings for you, and was sad about your break up. Equally though, she seems to have reasons for being angry with you about it too. She seems conflicted in that she clearly misses you, and may even want to be with you, but for other reasons she feels she can't.

This is a typical conflict of emotions, the natural reaction to which is often anger. Obviously I don't know the details of your relationship, or the reasons for your break up, but it's not an uncommon response from a woman who in part may want to be with someone, but for various reasons feels she can't. It seems like she may want to be with you but, for reasons on either her side or yours, she feels that you're just a little too far out of reach, and so is confused and frustrated.

Lots of women, BPD or otherwise, could have had that phone conversation and written that text, as it seems perfectly in line with the kind of thinking that comes from rejecting someone that they have unresolved feelings for.