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Title: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: H0lding0n on September 21, 2014, 04:30:59 PM any advice on how to handle welcome. My BPD creates crisis to be able to fix it and rescue me. Kinda cute if it did create problems issues turmoil etc. I also am having trouble being grateful when I know he caused the issue to begin with.
Title: Re: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: Moselle on September 21, 2014, 05:56:53 PM Drama is a common theme with pwBPD. In our dance with them sometimes the victim and rescuer roles switch, but they are always present.
Best way to handle it is to stop playing the game, but be prepared for all sorts of behaviour to compensate. Boundaries are also a good option for you. Defining what you will and won't accept. Title: Re: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: H0lding0n on September 21, 2014, 06:47:42 PM not sure how to stop playing the game. For instance he hides my debit card. I frantically look thinking ive lost it. He finds it. He is hero isnt he. Later find out he hid. I didnt say anything.
Title: Re: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: vortex of confusion on September 21, 2014, 09:53:56 PM not sure how to stop playing the game. For instance he hides my debit card. I frantically look thinking ive lost it. He finds it. He is hero isnt he. Later find out he hid. I didnt say anything. Read through some of the lessons on the side of this page. There is a lot of stuff there to read and think about. I keep reading and re-reading things to try to keep things in perspective. How do you know for certain that he hid your debit card? I ask because there have been times when I thought that my husband did things on purpose. It turns out that he is too self centered to be able to pull off something like deliberately hiding something from me. He doesn't put much thought in anything that he does because he is so impulsive. It is like dealing with an impulsive and immature child at times. Read through the section on Understanding your partner's behaviors. I keep reading it and rereading it trying to wrap my mind around some of these things. Would he have been the hero if you hadn't freaked out? What would he have done if you had said, "Oh well, I lost my card, I guess I will call the bank and have them send me a new one if it doesn't turn up soon?" Could it be possible that he was feeding off of your frantic energy? Title: Re: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: Moselle on September 22, 2014, 01:34:39 AM not sure how to stop playing the game. For instance he hides my debit card. I frantically look thinking ive lost it. He finds it. He is hero isnt he. Later find out he hid. I didnt say anything. Simply don't make it worse. Disengage from conflict if there is any. Have you looked at "The lessons" on the right hand side of the web page at all? There is lots of stuff in there to help you. Title: Re: Creating crisis to fix it and be the hero. Post by: Suspicious1 on September 22, 2014, 01:57:36 AM www.en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hero_syndrome
My ex was desperate to be a hero and really saw himself as this protective, avenging force. He'd been in the police and security services. He didn't create drama but he did wish for it. He always hoped someone would break into my house while he was there, for example, and wanted there to be some kind of trouble in front of me so that I could "see what he was so good at". He wanted to get revenge for everything bad that had ever happened to me. His ex wife used to start road rage incidences which he'd then rescue her from. On the other hand I constantly infuriated him by refusing to play. One of the reasons he split me black once was because I wouldn't let him beat up my ex husband. I'm sure he'll find someone to rescue again but I never wanted it to be me, and that caused endless conflict. |