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Title: Drama about stuff and more... Post by: MeandThee29 on February 23, 2018, 06:09:27 AM We've been separated for six months and several states apart, and he wants to drive back and get some things that fit in his car. That's fine. I had hoped that we would mutually be able to work out a time. He's retired, and I have a very complicated schedule and work from home. I offered to ship the things or get a mover. Nope, he has to come.
None of the times that worked for me were "acceptable" (his word). So then he was just going to show up, and I'd have to handle it. Then we talked on the phone for three hours and worked out a good time. I called my therapist before the phone call, and she helped me with how to handle it. Not a fun phone call, but he calmed down. We agreed on a time. Then a text the next day, that he was showing up on a certain day, at least further out than the original one, but not when we agreed. I called a friend and decided to go with it. So I called him, and it's set up. With the distance, he won't be able to show up any earlier, but we're going to stay with friends several counties away for a few days. I can work from their house. All he knows is that we won't be around. He has visitors coming, so he's eager to get home. At least I hope so. Anyone else would probably just agree to have the stuff shipped. It's just stuff that fits in a car. Yeah, it's all about control. He has to come on the day he wants and push my buttons. It doesn't have to make sense. Thankfully I found a rental that meets our needs that I can afford, so we'll be moving shortly. The house is going on the market this summer, and we can move on. Life is good. Title: Re: Drama about stuff and more... Post by: Jeffree on February 23, 2018, 10:55:58 AM Sometimes all one can do is throw up their hands and say, "Whatever!"
Do you have anyone close by who can be there with you as he removes his stuff? J Title: Re: Drama about stuff and more... Post by: MeandThee29 on February 23, 2018, 08:30:48 PM Sometimes all one can do is throw up their hands and say, "Whatever!" Do you have anyone close by who can be there with you as he removes his stuff? J Yes, the conclusion I drew was that he was just going to show up out of the blue if I didn't agree to something soon. At least I got several days notice. We have to be out of the house. I have to hold online meetings that day with a webcam and high-quality sound equipment that I can see him interrupting. My youngest won't be around him at all, and she doesn't drive. We have a dog he doesn't approve of that he might let out and not care where she goes. He's broken off with everyone here and doesn't want anyone to know he's coming. So we're taking certain things and hoping he keeps to his word to just get his stuff. Title: Re: Drama about stuff and more... Post by: Speck on February 23, 2018, 08:52:51 PM Hi, MeandThee29!
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but, it looks like you've found a suitable solution. I hope it goes smoothly, and let us know how it turns out. -Speck Title: Re: Drama about stuff and more... Post by: Harley Quinn on February 24, 2018, 08:00:22 AM Hi M&T,
I have to say you've done exceptionally well to handle this the way you have. I feel inspired! Well done on remaining so calm and taking such a smart approach to this. I too am working with my counsellor on protecting myself emotionally in dealing with my son's father, who has NPD traits and am feeling the sense of calm and maintaining of my own power which comes with this. You seem to be taking things in your stride and have a clear perspective of what he is doing. |iiii Those boundaries are being maintained valiantly! Also it's great news that you have found a suitable affordable home. I'm really pleased for you. As Speck says, let us know how it all goes. Love and light x |