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So i have my ex blocked in all forms of social media, however i did not block her email address! After checking my mail this morning i found a rather lengthy email from her that basically had the following themes.

1. I miss you
2. My bf keeps fighting with me
3. How are you?
4. rant more about bf and bored of him

Has anyone ever had this, i really hope this isn't the start of a recycle giving the current climate and the world we now live in. Thankfully i moved and she doesnt know my new address!  :wee:

its not a recycle unless you want it to be :)

do you?

Once upon a time I hoped so much for such a mail (when I was still unaware of BPD) and it never came, most probably for the better, knowing what I know now.

Knowing what i know now, the thought of letting this be a recycle has me screaming "Hell no" but then again, giving the current situation in the world, part of me feels bad for her being at odds with her current partner.

But all i know is that she is toxic for me, so cant go down that road again!

Hell no and let's be completely honest herez if she weren't in this specific situation, she would not give a damn about you in the current situation in the world. If she tries to come, there is a reason and it's nothing to do with love.

It's funny because I was just watching that video, quite on the topic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzA_P6nNSvg

Hey fogle24, Why would you feel bad for her?  That's her problem, not yours!

No, you can't go down that road again.  "Hell no" indeed!

LuckyJim

separate a few things. see this for what it is.

it isnt a "recycle". a recycle is reconciling a relationship, getting back together. right now, she is still with her partner.

60% of relationships do this (recycle)...it has little to do with BPD.

what does have more to do with BPD is that people with BPD traits can be (and often are) just straight up totally inappropriate when it comes to post relationship contact.

and what shes doing is inappropriate. shes putting you in the middle of her relationship woes.

why is she doing that?

she may not have anything better to talk about, or know what else to say. maybe complaining is her way of making conversation; it is for a lot of people. she may want sympathy or a sounding board.

she also probably misses you, wonders how youre doing, regrets how things ended, and wants to be on better terms with you than how things ended.

it all really boils down to how, or if at all you want to respond. so how do you want to respond, or do you?

Right, you know it, so don't do it.  I think her email message could also be interpreted as her throwing you a few crumbs to see if you are still on the line, in case things don't work out with the new guy.  My suggestion: don't take the bait.

LJ

Yeah, didnt take the bait on this occasion! She made her choice and being someones backup plan isn't my thing or worth it!  *)

Right, fogle24.  It's time to move on.  Being someone's backup plan is likely to erode your self-esteem.

LJ

There's absolutely nothing to gain by being the backup plan and in any case, going back with an ex always means going backwards in your life. Our instinct pushes us to do that to get back what we had in the beginning of our relationship but guess what, it will never be the same, no matter what. What is dead is dead.

Ive had similar but not under the same circumstances. What I feel helps here is to find some more closer theme to relate to. "needs"

she misses you, there is a need underlying this. Do you miss her?
she wants to rant to you about her bf, there is a need here. Do you feel the need to listen to it, or rant to her about your own issues?

When I reflected back at what kept the relationship going, what propped it up, I have to be fair and say that I played my own ongoing role in accepting and partaking in it, a lot of serving her needs, some of it I did not mind doing to an extent, a lot I did grudgingly.

I call it "independence day" when I decided enough was enough, I felt used and abused but only to the extent it made me want to draw the line and call it a day. It was about finding my own limitation point - in practice - rather than think of it as some vague abstract idea.

Id ask myself in the context of the points you made, how much of this reaching out is about you, and how much is it about needing - someone - anyone, to deal with her current situation at the time. Alleviate her loneliness, be a therapist, whatever the motive. Are you important for who you are, are you loved, or is it a reach out attempt, if it fails she will be forced to find someone else who will take up the task. If you are happy to do it, I see no reason not to. We have to weigh this up and know within ourselves how we wish to spend our lives, what brings us fullfillment and maybe it is not for anyone else to judge that listening to the rants of their existing boyfriend is not quality time spent - for some it will be and I would never try to stop someone doing what brings them satisfaction. 

"Yeah, didnt take the bait on this occasion! She made her choice and being someones backup plan isn't my thing or worth it! " - I am happy to see this Fogle. That is a big step for you. Invest in YOU and believe that you are worthy of better.

Keep moving forward amigo.

Cheers!

-SC-

Hi Fogle, I also went through that. She had the other guy, unbeknown time me at the time, even worst! But she came back, saying the other guy was bad, wasn’t with him anymore, missed me, I was the love of her life, blah, blah, after much pleading from her to meet, I did! It only lasted a very, very short time. I decided to keep away, it wasn’t worth it. The relationship (a marriage actually) was wrecked, nothing I could do about it. It really couldn’t be fixed, too many bad things went down, despite her plea for forgiveness and for a ‘new start’. I mean, how could I ever forget how she destroyed everything we had? I woke up! I am years out now and feel very clear. Once things are destroyed, very hard to rekindle, impossible really. Take care and move on, that would be my advice.

As always thanks for all the comments folks, i really do appreciate them! Number one thing is that remembering we are never alone in all of this.

No we are not - and so I'm just joining the pack to say I've had similar experiences until I had my lawyer write a cease and desist.

That took care of that.

Rev