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Title: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 07, 2011, 07:53:48 PM Sent a msg to the exBPDbf saying that its not posible to be just friends after everything blah blah his reply
" cool no worries look forward to getting my stuff back in the post, now just leave me alone and dont ever call again the love has perished for good " is he using reverse psychology in the hope that I would ring and get in touch? NO DONT WORRY IM NOT... .ive got a holiday booked in 11 days for 2 weeks and I am looking forward to it just me and my son :) Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Annaleigh on January 07, 2011, 08:04:30 PM You have a little boy? Cool! There is unconditional love totally. Enjoy your holiday with your kidlet, low stress, happy new discoveries and NO walking on eggshells! Be good to you. |iiii
Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: myself on January 07, 2011, 08:15:26 PM Sent a msg to the exBPDbf saying that its not posible to be just friends after everything blah blah his reply " cool no worries look forward to getting my stuff back in the post, now just leave me alone and dont ever call again the love has perished for good " is he using reverse psychology in the hope that I would ring and get in touch? NO DONT WORRY IM NOT... .ive got a holiday booked in 11 days for 2 weeks and I am looking forward to it just me and my son :) Nobody who really loves you would act like that or say that Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: 2010 on January 07, 2011, 09:05:06 PM Excerpt Sent a msg to the exBPDbf saying that its not posible to be just friends after everything blah blah his reply " cool no worries look forward to getting my stuff back in the post, now just leave me alone and dont ever call again the love has perished for good " No need for analysis- you are in what is known as violent agreement with each other. In the reply he has stated a command. Send him his things and formalize the command so that he knows you are serious... .If you fail to follow through the door is still left open for dysfunction and abuse of each other's boundaries. (This ability to leave doors open is from the "passive aggressive handbook." That handbook he used a few times in the relationship and it is no longer valid in your life in 2011. You will no longer be using or speaking in passive aggression- you are now following through with your statement. "It is no longer possible to be just friends." End it by returning his things and abiding by your statement. It's over. |iiii Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Travis on January 07, 2011, 09:15:21 PM Nobody who really loves you would act like that or say that And that's really the bottom line isn't it? We let people treat us this way and no one on God's green Earth that really loved us would treat us that way. Why do we put up with it? Now that is a question, isn't it? Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 07, 2011, 09:35:24 PM Thank you for the replies Guys... .I am feeling absolutely horrible today I just cant stop crying thank goodness my son is with his dad this weekend.
2010 - Im sorry my head is just so foggy today with everything so what you are saying he is testing me out to see if im for real by saying to post his stuff back or is this is last hit_ thinking of himself again moment asking for his stuff back even though he has scored so much of my stuff and i havnt bothered to ask for it back? Im just soo muddled up in the head why cant they just talk normal it shts me! :'( :'( :'( :'( Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 08, 2011, 12:59:50 AM ohhhhh gez the word now along the grapevine is my exBPDbf is asking girls out on dates today so here i am in tears hurting so much and he is down there looking for a female fix yeh he really loved me i dont know what to feel or think
Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: RealEyes on January 08, 2011, 01:04:37 AM Since you mentioned "holiday" and not "vacation" not sure if these books here in The USA r popular in your parts... .but don't forget to take "Thomas the Train", "Curious George(s)", "Toy Story 3", "Caillou (s)" {i know, he's too whiny}, LeapFrog and any Enviro SuperHeros and Dinosaurs books with ya to explore with your son, ok?
have a bunch of fun with your sane man, your one and only baby boy! Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Im.okay.now on January 08, 2011, 06:08:39 AM Excerpt Sent a msg to the exBPDbf saying that its not posible to be just friends after everything blah blah his reply " cool no worries look forward to getting my stuff back in the post, now just leave me alone and dont ever call again the love has perished for good " No need for analysis- you are in what is known as violent agreement with each other. In the reply he has stated a command. Send him his things and formalize the command so that he knows you are serious... .If you fail to follow through the door is still left open for dysfunction and abuse of each other's boundaries. (This ability to leave doors open is from the "passive aggressive handbook." That handbook he used a few times in the relationship and it is no longer valid in your life in 2011. You will no longer be using or speaking in passive aggression- you are now following through with your statement. "It is no longer possible to be just friends." End it by returning his things and abiding by your statement. It's over. |iiii |iiii Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Im.okay.now on January 08, 2011, 06:10:29 AM Thank you for the replies Guys... .I am feeling absolutely horrible today I just cant stop crying thank goodness my son is with his dad this weekend. 2010 - Im sorry my head is just so foggy today with everything so what you are saying he is testing me out to see if im for real by saying to post his stuff back or is this is last hit_ thinking of himself again moment asking for his stuff back even though he has scored so much of my stuff and i havnt bothered to ask for it back? Im just soo muddled up in the head why cant they just talk normal it shts me! :'( :'( :'( :'( I think what 2010 is telling you to do what your EXBPDBF has asked for and move on with your life or stay stuck in this hellish dysfunction until you do. Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 08, 2011, 12:29:15 PM ok im not handling things very good have not slept and its 5.30am i really just want to give up on everything i know what i did was right but i still love this guy so much and miss him :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: myself on January 08, 2011, 12:46:16 PM ok im not handling things very good have not slept and its 5.30am i really just want to give up on everything i know what i did was right but i still love this guy so much and miss him :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( Hang in there! It's sad to say, I'm going through it too, but, even if they do love us, they don't know how to walk the walk, and are not there for us as they should be. You'll get through it. Cry when you need to. Go for a walk. Sleep when you can (also not sleeping much here, but it comes and goes). I reread your original post, and you have a vacation coming up with your kid? That sounds like something really great to be looking forward to! As hard as it may be, to hear and to follow through with--- Forget about that chump. It's better to not have that in your life, and in your kid's life. Take care! Write more when and if you need to. Reach out to people here. We'll help you. Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Travis on January 08, 2011, 12:50:59 PM ok im not handling things very good have not slept and its 5.30am i really just want to give up on everything i know what i did was right but i still love this guy so much and miss him :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( We all love them because we are good people. Even though they are incredibly mean to us. Get up, go look inthe mirror. You are a beautiful, wonderful person with a fantastic life ahead of you. Its a journey, you're in a very brief and temporary down time. Tomorrow is another day and it will be better. I promise! I miss her too, or the dream of what she first was, but she will destroy me and I'm just not going to let that happen. Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 08, 2011, 01:09:55 PM thank u im trying my bst to hang in there i ust wonder if anything he said was factual telling me he loved me he missed me i am beautiful god even this week while we were still in touch he wanted to have a child to me... .go figure i cant work it out! havent stopped crying nor will i for a while
Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: Travis on January 08, 2011, 01:15:40 PM thank u im trying my bst to hang in there i ust wonder if anything he said was factual telling me he loved me he missed me i am beautiful god even this week while we were still in touch he wanted to have a child to me... .go figure i cant work it out! havent stopped crying nor will i for a while Its OK to cry. I have never cried so much as detaching from my wife, and I'm a big strong guy. lol Reduced to ribbons by my wife. Its ok, let it out. I know its hard to see now, but I am sure he did love you, but they are ill and can't sustain it with ANYONE. Its not you its him! Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: myself on January 08, 2011, 01:25:59 PM thank u im trying my bst to hang in there i ust wonder if anything he said was factual telling me he loved me he missed me i am beautiful god even this week while we were still in touch he wanted to have a child to me... .go figure i cant work it out! havent stopped crying nor will i for a while Its OK to cry. I have never cried so much as detaching from my wife, and I'm a big strong guy. lol Reduced to ribbons by my wife. Its ok, let it out. I know its hard to see now, but I am sure he did love you, but they are ill and can't sustain it with ANYONE. Its not you its him! Yeah... .Crying is a good way to let those feelings out, instead of bottling them up or whatever. The BPD seem to let their energies out more with anger and such. Which is healthier? Coming through a time of crying, you will feel cleansed, I'm sure, and you will have dealt with a lot of your pains, frustrations, disappointments... .The BPD folks will still be raging, still be hurting, still be hurting others... .It's a horrible cycle, but, yes please--- Work through your feelings, feel them, and heal yourself. Be there for your kid! Yourself! Find love in your life that doesn't come from someone who's abusing you. Again, please reach out to people here when you need to. Lots of us are in the same boat, and we're all reaching out, in ways. We'll help each other. And, truth be told, we're, all of us, already so close to Getting There, being loving caring people, even in this kind of situation. I have a ways yet to go, but... .I'm here to help, as well. Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 09, 2011, 05:14:59 AM all i can say is thank god for this website it has given me knowledge and strength from my friends here... .heard from the ex he tried very hard to put me in the "FOG" firstly saying that he hated me,im better off without you, no on else will put up with me, i have issues i am the one that needs help (cause i decided to turn my off to give me space - he has no respect for my boundaries ), i am sick of your lies and games, look at myself i am still at home with my parents and a son that i never wanted, i am the one to blame for us not getting any where, he never cheated on me if he had quote "stuck his d*** in one of the female friends i knew about i sure in hell wouldnt of stayed with you" unquote (CHARMING!) i want nothing to do with you i dont want to lower my level THEN it went to "I miss you" "I love you" "we are a couple or nothing" i simply hung up the phone switchd it off and put it under the tap... .i think i mentally snapped he pushed me so much cant use that mobile phone anymore lol... .what have i been upset about? this man is so emotionally unstable its scary!
Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 09, 2011, 05:37:33 AM all i can say is thank god for this website it has given me knowledge and strength from my friends here... .heard from the ex he tried very hard to put me in the "FOG" firstly saying that he hated me,im better off without you, no on else will put up with me, i have issues i am the one that needs help (cause i decided to turn my off to give me space - he has no respect for my boundaries ), i am sick of your lies and games, look at myself i am still at home with my parents and a son that i never wanted, i am the one to blame for us not getting any where, he never cheated on me if he had quote "stuck his d*** in one of the female friends i knew about i sure in hell wouldnt of stayed with you" unquote (CHARMING!) i want nothing to do with you i dont want to lower my level THEN it went to "I miss you" "I love you" "we are a couple or nothing" i simply hung up the phone switchd it off and put it under the tap... .i think i mentally snapped he pushed me so much cant use that mobile phone anymore lol... .what have i been upset about? this man is so emotionally unstable its scary! ive gone from an upset blubbering mess to FURIOUS and ANGRY! Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: myself on January 09, 2011, 12:34:47 PM all i can say is thank god for this website it has given me knowledge and strength from my friends here... .heard from the ex he tried very hard to put me in the "FOG" firstly saying that he hated me,im better off without you, no on else will put up with me, i have issues i am the one that needs help (cause i decided to turn my off to give me space - he has no respect for my boundaries ), i am sick of your lies and games, look at myself i am still at home with my parents and a son that i never wanted, i am the one to blame for us not getting any where, he never cheated on me if he had quote "stuck his d*** in one of the female friends i knew about i sure in hell wouldnt of stayed with you" unquote (CHARMING!) i want nothing to do with you i dont want to lower my level THEN it went to "I miss you" "I love you" "we are a couple or nothing" i simply hung up the phone switchd it off and put it under the tap... .i think i mentally snapped he pushed me so much cant use that mobile phone anymore lol... .what have i been upset about? this man is so emotionally unstable its scary! That's rough. My heart goes out to you, and feels it is better to just move on... .It's really hard to reconcile the different parts of these people. One minute they're the most loving, sweetest, funniest ever... .Then they become everything they say they hate about everybody else, and just act like monsters out to get us. It's difficult to deal with this. They demand total love but act the most unloving. Thinking all the while that they themselves are being wronged, while most times they are really being Helped and Cared for and Treated Well. It's all absurd. Sorry you are going through this too. Title: Re: Analyze this Post by: ijustdontkno on January 10, 2011, 05:20:26 AM OMG! where was i mentally on the weekend i was totally loosing the plot thanks to the ex... .was stuck in a big depressed pit not doing that again specially after what he had to say to me last time - he is a A*****E
'' shoo fly dont bother me this woman has got a life to live!" Just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU for the support guys a special mention to Vangirl60 - myself - Travis - real eyes - im.ok.now - 2010 Much love I just dont kno (but I do now :) :light:) |