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Title: Hello, this is my first step Post by: Orangesky on February 22, 2017, 08:50:22 PM Hello,
I'm a single mom of two girls, my ex was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago but we had been together for 6 years. I moved out just a few months ago, but it still feels so strange. I still go between feelings of extreme guilt and vindication for leaving. Some days I feel like I have made a huge mistake and I am selfish and terrible for leaving him all alone to suffer, other days I am so thankful and feel so free. --I haven't fully reached acceptance, but I hope to one day, I hope to have a a peaceful and calm life, I hope my home can become the sanctuary for my kids that I always wanted it to be. - These days my main focus is finding out who I am, what my likes and interests are and working hard to put myself first. - Its hard but every day I feel a little bit stronger. If anyone has their own stories of life after leaving a person with BPD or any tips or reading suggestions I would be glad to have them Title: Re: Hello, this is my first step Post by: joeramabeme on February 22, 2017, 09:03:01 PM Hi Orangesky
Welcome to BPD Family Glad you have joined us here, you have a very positive tone to your message and this is certainly a very big plus! I was wondering, does your ex have regular contact with the girls? If so, how is the communication between the two of you? I would think that for the children's benefit you would want to maintain as good a rapport with your ex as possible. This site has multiple links to Lessons about communicating with a pwBPD. I would say that is one of the more important things that you could read about to get a better understanding of the disorder. Best, JRB Title: Re: Hello, this is my first step Post by: hopealways on February 22, 2017, 10:13:38 PM Hi Orangesky,
If you do these 2 things, you will become a better person out of all this and realize that this experience was actually a gift: 1. Go No Contact 2. Go to Therapy The only reason it took me so long was that although I went contact I always answered whenever she decided to recycle me. That's no good. NC means NC. That means block them on everything. If they show up at your door don't open it. If they send you an email don't answer it. If you see them on the street walk on a different sidewalk. The therapy portion I can honestly say I have done perfectly. It is necessary because this cannot be done alone. Therapy gives you an insight into why you were ever attracted to this horrific person. If you do either of these 2 steps half-a$# you will be in prolonged suffering. Hang in there! Title: Re: Hello, this is my first step Post by: MiaP on February 23, 2017, 08:10:18 AM Hi Orangesky,
I'm in a similar situation, my ex is BPD and I'm taking care of our two kids. I'm also on the process of regaining my life back and letting go of all the guilt. There are some moments when I also think this is a mistake and still have the feeling that if I try just a little harder maybe we could still be a family and my kids could have the home I always tought they'd have. That's usually when my ex BPD is in a good mood but then out of nowhere he'll say something and that quickly wakes me up to reallity: it's just not possible. I think going No Contact would be the best, as Hopealways suggests, but when you have kids that is very difficult. Wish you all the best in this journey. Title: Re: Hello, this is my first step Post by: SuperJew82 on February 23, 2017, 09:11:55 AM Hi Orangesky, If you do these 2 things, you will become a better person out of all this and realize that this experience was actually a gift: 1. Go No Contact 2. Go to Therapy The only reason it took me so long was that although I went contact I always answered whenever she decided to recycle me. That's no good. NC means NC. That means block them on everything. If they show up at your door don't open it. If they send you an email don't answer it. If you see them on the street walk on a different sidewalk. The therapy portion I can honestly say I have done perfectly. It is necessary because this cannot be done alone. Therapy gives you an insight into why you were ever attracted to this horrific person. If you do either of these 2 steps half-a$# you will be in prolonged suffering. Hang in there! Yes, Yes, Yes, and yes. No contact means NO CONTACT. It is the best tool you could ever give yourself. I can imagine it's harder with kids. My friend does a fantastic job of ignoring all non-kid related texting that his exBPDw throws his way. The fishing attempts can be hard to ignore... . Title: Re: Hello, this is my first step Post by: Mutt on February 23, 2017, 10:59:15 AM Hi Orangesky,
How old are the girls? Is your ex their biological parent? |