BPDFamily.com

I posted on here some time ago and now it's time for another post.  My ex is currently playing the victim, I feel, to garner sympathy and attention and to further isolate me.  I've been pushed to the point of almost just wanting to end my service over seas and go home just to get away from the judgment of the people buying into her story.  I'm assuming the running narrative is along the lines of I'm abusive, or whatever, and she is the helpless victim.  The recent situation happened at a backpackers and my name was suggested in the situation.  Now people, I feel, are looking at and treating me different.  It's really hard!  Especially, when I've experienced what I have.  The stuff I've been put through.  I would like advice on how to move forward and navigate these difficult spaces.  It's hard to not feel down and anxious in these social settings when I feel everyone is quietly judging me.  It's affecting my sleep and my appetite.  I had a panic attack the other day, or nearly had one, just thinking about being around the other volunteers and being made into a pariah.  I'm worried about losing friends and being alone honestly.  Please help!

Hey TBR80, This is a familiar scenario in the aftermath of a b/u from a pwBPD, so give yourself a break.  You are not alone!  A pw/BPD is usually unable to see him/herself as partly responsible for the breakdown in a r/s, so he/she foists all the blame onto the Non as a way to shift responsibility.  Don't be so sure that everyone is buying into her version of events.  There's not much you can do about her painting you black, except to view it as sort of a winnowing process where you will find out your true friends.  I used to dread going to my son's Little League games because I knew that most of the the mothers were judging me harshly in the aftermath of our separation.  So what?  Getting away from my Ex was the right thing for me to do.

LuckyJim

Hi TiredButReady80,

*welcome*

I have to agree with LuckyJim, I was desperate and I reached out to my ex's best friend which was a bad idea, she called me a monster from what my ex had told her. There's two sides to every story, if someone doesn't have the courtesy to come and talk to me about my side of story, do I really want to be friends this person?

HI TiredButReady80,

I use to work with my BPDex, and had to deal with a smear campaign so I know how difficult this is to deal with.  My advice as hard as it may seem is just continue being you. Show any weakness and it will only get worse.  You shouldn't care about people who judge you without getting your side of the story.  You don't want these people as friends.  As for the rest just be yourself, do positive things,  and you'll see the tide will turn. I learned that most of the people at work that I thought were treating me differently were just busy with their own lives and couldn't care less about my relationship   There were a few of my exes friends, mostly insecure minions sided with her, but eventually they got bored when I gave them no reason to make other people believe the bs.

Also keep in mind that other people see through her and eventually she will dig her own graversion.  Especially in a small group.  In my case my ex ended up leaving.  Give it time. As hard as it is. Take solace in that you did nothing wrong. Keep in touch with people who love and support you. You'll get through this.

Do you have an update? Have you eaten and slept? How are you doing?

these women are toxic. if you dont have kids RUN! dump her and never look back unless she is willing to  go to some sort of therapy.

My ex attacked me after drinking one night. Throwing punches and kicking, so i restrained her. She had bruises on her arms from this. So she went into her local pub and told everyone that I was beating her. A week later a bunch of blokes came to my local and started on me in front of my kids and my uncle and aunt... .Always the victim she was. And yet I stupidly stayed with her... .just an example of the smear campaign. I understand it well

I am personally a fan of the radical truth. Tell the people she is spreading lies to that she is mentally ill. Tell then she is telling lies about you to avoid facing the truth and taking responsibility for her actions. Tell them she is actually blaming you for things she is doing, that she attacked you, not the other way around. Tell them that on the advice of your counselor (that would be me!), you are to have no more contact with her whatsoever. Tell them to watch Gone Girl on DVD and they will understand what is happening to you.