BPDFamily.com

My BPD husband nags, criticisizes and puts me down non-stop. This is definitely something he got from his mother, who once got mad that we bought cheap air conditioning units ($100) so that our infant would stop sweating in the middle of almost 100 degree weather. The worst criticism I got from him was when we drove past a highschool one day. I was telling him a story and happened to be looking out the side window, when he drove past that school. Big Mistake. He called me a piece of shi- for supposedly cheating on him.

Have you experienced BPD criticism from your significant other and if so how did you deal?

I think many criticisms I can brush aside and not feel too hurt by because they are just so absurd.  Like a criticism that I don't own a pair of black dress shoes.  That's mainly just disappointing and frustrating and sad, that she lets my lack of black dress shoes ruin her mood. 

It's the criticisms that dig deep at the core of who I am that are the worst and most difficult to move past - the ones that play with my natural insecurities or my own shame. The worst one was during sex - she told me the way I was touching her made her feel like she was being "raped" and that she should know because she has been raped before, and that I should have slept with 1000 women before I met her so that I would know how to properly touch a woman.

How did I deal?  I haven't. That comment has make sex with her feel weird ever since.  I've managed to file it away and not let it bother me so much, but I don't think I have ever properly dealt with it or processed it.

Wow Max I'm so sorry  My dBPDh had once told me that I don't come off as 'sexy' and it's probably because I've only had 2 partners my life, my ex-husband and him, and I should have slept around more. But at the same time, he's complained that he "isn't a piece of meat" if I try to initiate something, so I really have just given up.

Actually, I come off as "unsexy" because it's awkward for me (dirty talk, being bold that kind of thing), and now doubly so now that he has said that. It was years ago, but some of the things they say can stick to you. Honestly, it's because it feeds into my own insecurities about myself.

Some of the most ridiculous ridicules I have received is being called a democrat, or low information voter. He spends most of his time commenting on political boards, so that's why these things sound like some sort of insult to him.

I constantly get criticized on how I eat food (what I put on things, etc) or what I call things. I have battled some of this with humor, and recently when we were making tacos for dinner, he exclaims that they are not tacos, because it's a flour tortilla and not a corn shell.

I said ok fine. We are having NotTacos for dinner then. And that's what we have called them from this point on. lol

There's one thing that I'll never be able to erase from my memory.

It's when (knowing nothing about BPD yet) I asked (desperate and 2 or 3 months pregnant) : "So you don't want the baby anymore?" And he answered "No- I do want the baby, it's YOU that I don't want."

I never though someone could say something that horrible to someone they say they love. 

Yeah, I've gotten a lot cruel cruel comments in pregnancy and post baby. That "I'm fat" that the baby is not his because "I wasn't eating the foods that he wanted me to" and that my one month post baby body was "disgusting." Not that it matters but I'm basically always a size small to medium and used to do some modeling so I know that these comments are not based on reality. Even if they were-not something to say to anyone in the months leading up to and after baby is born (a baby that the man WANTED to create).

I think the one that bugs me most is, "If I had it to do all over again, I never would have married you." And, it was said on our 16th wedding anniversary. I asked for it because I was a bit delusional and was hoping to get some kind of validation from him. I made the mistake of asking him if he would have married me again. GAH!

Oh, and the bedroom stuff I am not going to delve into because my reactions (or lack of being a noisy porn star) were frequently scrutinized. I have been told on several occasions that he won't do certain things because I don't act like I like it. I didn't know that there was a certain way that I was supposed to behave in a given situation. That made me so unbelievably self conscious.

One of my number one rules in life is to never ask someone such a loaded question when there is a good chance an honest response may upset me, and where an untruthful response I won't believe.  If I am not prepared for the answer, I don't ask the question.  And that is where I am now - I usually don't say much to her or ask her much anymore because I know the response will be negative.   :'(

Mine called me a needy and depressing lol from the single most needy and depressing man I know

"If you were my boyfriend, is have dumped you a long time ago."

The worst would have been, "I wish you would punch a hole in my face, so I could see the real you." No history of violence. She just hates that I'm calm during the disrespect.

I'm able to laugh that one off by envisioning her as the Emperor from Return of the Jedi. "Strike me down!" Except this emperor has anxiety attacks.

I think I have a good one. Not sure if a criticism per se.

My wife made me delete all of the texts on my phone from and to her, not her phone. She claims that I was sending them to Dr. Phil. And that I was getting advice from Dr. Phil on how to handle her illness.

I was leaving, and she would not move out of my way until the texts were deleted. She went through my whole phone to do it. Invasion of privacy, too.

I guess add paranoia to the list of co morbid illnesses.

It's actually part of the disorder itself... .

Oh paranoia for sure. My husband thinks since he comments on political boards all the time, the government is watching us.

1) "You're just like your father !"

My father was a NPD, alcoholic, and hit my mother several times during rages.

2) "If you leave me now, you will never see your child !"

We had just seen our unborn child for the first time on an ultrasound.

3) "You are happy we lost the baby !"

We lost the baby when 7 weeks pregnant.

How did I cope ? It was very hard to understand that someone that supposedly should love you, can say such insane words. But I know I'm not what she says.

After the miscarriage I left her, for good, it became too much.