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Title: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sashakitty on February 17, 2021, 03:12:46 PM Dear new friends and fellow travelers,
I just finished the fabulous book, The Essential Family Guide to BPD and am trying to practice new skills, particularly empathic listening. I have been walking on eggshells for many years. I suspect my adult daughter has a form of BPD, (possibly higher functioning invisible) as did her aunt and grandmother. She recently started therapy, which is a blessing. She confronted us over Zoom about some things in her childhood which have caused her trauma and anguish. She now won’t talk to my husband and me, saying we don’t care (which couldn’t be father from the truth) and don’t understand how she feels. She could tell we don’t care from facial expressions over Zoom and whatever we said (I tried to be as supportive as possible) which was clearly inadequate. There is long history of her telling me what an inadequate parent I’ve been. This has caused me great anguish too, and I’m working with a therapist on codependency, communication skills and boundaries. Heartfelt thanks for reading. It’s excruciatingly difficulty for me to reach out. Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sancho on February 20, 2021, 02:35:02 AM Thank you for saying just how hard it is to reach out. It touched a chord with me and set me thinking about why this was so hard for me also.
One of the most difficult aspects of trying to relate to a loved one with BPD (and there are many difficult aspects) is that it seems to be almost impossible to have a 'real' dialogue. No matter how you try to respond to their claims as to why everything is your fault, it does not seem to change anything about what they see is the truth of an event - or even how you feel about them ie no matter how much you say and show that you care, it is their experience that you don't care and have never done anything to help them. This is just so painful - that the person you love and want to help in any way you can, does not seem able to access this care. I am really glad that you have opened up here. In my experience, opening up does help with perspective. It also can help to have a safe place to 'unload', knowing that you are among people who understand what living with BPD loved one can be like. Take care. Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sashakitty on April 01, 2021, 01:55:45 PM Thank you so much for your support and valuable insights, Sancho, it does indeed really help to know I’m not alone.
You’re so right about it being so difficult and painful to have a “real” dialogue - it’s so frustrating! Sending support and best wishes back to you. Heartfelt thanks Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Headinawhirl on April 07, 2021, 01:04:49 AM I understand this so well. This sounds like my adult child. thanks for posting
Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sashakitty on April 07, 2021, 11:11:44 PM Thanks for your support, Headinawhirl- it helps to know I’m not alone. How is your adult child doing? Anything helping?
Sending best wishes and support. Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Mama Goose on April 09, 2021, 02:28:57 PM Hello
Nice to meet you. I urge you to look up NEABPD online. I teach a fabulous class called Family Connections. The class is for family members/spouses/care givers who love someone with emotional dysregulation issues. The class is FREE. My sessions meet once weekly for 2 hours on Wednesday evenings. There are many other sessions. The course takes 12 weeks and will teach DBT, CBT and Mentalization Skills that will help gain your relationship with your daughter back. An added bonus is the acquaintances that you will meet that are walking a similar path. (www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org) BPD Family is a great way to connect too! Hope we bump into one another again. Mama Goose Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Rebbeca on April 10, 2021, 12:30:41 AM Hi Sashakitty
I’m new to group support. I read your post and feel for you. I also have a daughter. No matter how much love and support I try to give her. She tells me I done care, haven’t done enough and that I don’t understand. I also found that book really good. It’s heartbreaking to try to do the best you can and still be told you are not enough. Some day I know I’m not a horrible mum, other days I just wish I could do better. Do you feel like that? How old is your daughter? Mine is 28. I would love to talk to you more, if that’s ok Best wishes Rebbeca Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sashakitty on April 10, 2021, 08:56:50 AM Dear Mother Goose,
Thank you so much for reaching out I really appreciate the recommendation, which I am checking out. What a wonderful, valuable resource! And thank you so much for teaching this! Heartfelt thanks, and I hope that our paths will continue to cross! Title: Re: Child with potential BPD Post by: Sashakitty on April 10, 2021, 09:08:40 AM Dear Rebbeca,
Welcome to the group! Thank you so much for your understanding, support and for reaching out. I’m so sorry you’re going through a similar situation. Yes, I certainly feel the heartbreak of feeling like I’m not a good enough Mom, which her outbursts painfully trigger, and am trying really hard to get other voices in my head saying things like “I’m doing the best I can.” My daughter is 24. Yes, let’s please continue to talk, Rebbeca! Hang in there! Warmest best wishes and support coming your way Sasha |