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Just dropped partner off at residential alcohol detox centre again. no new Year celebrations for her this year.

I was just looking back on my own postings the last time this happened, about 6-7 months ago, there is a sharp contrast now. its the same old cycle, but it used to be accompanied by much stress, angst, anger and conflict. Now there is non of that. It just shows how much things are better now I have been working on me.

Without allowing the drama, projection and blame shifting it doesn't allow her to distract from the behavior or justify it. I can see that she is genuinely starting to see how silly and ridiculous some of her behaviors are, and is starting to feel embarrassed for herself.

I think this is good and is a good motivator to try a little more seriously to own her issues and do something about it.

Kids are rapped they are already arguing over which seriously loud music they are going to be belting out tonight   :)

Hope the kids enjoy themselves  - safely  

Any plans for you?

Not being able to shift blame will indeed help her take ownership.

partying with the kids   

Sounds marvelous   

it's encouraging to hear that with time and self nurturing that things can be less emotionally draining.  Here's to a New Year!  Have a great night partying with your kiddos!

Thanks for sharing wave, well done!

Here is to a rocking great 2013.       

Just had the call to go pick her up. Lasted 27 hours into the 7 day program, before self discharging. Usual stories of someone is out to get her etc...

Same old roundabout.

All will be good now for next few months, starting with some Turbo white.

No one reaches through her fears or her pain.

So sad... .  

 

Well lasted 6 days and back on the grog again. She is doing the ring around detox centers to try and put herself back on the 6 week waiting list. Chucking hissy fits at me because she believes i should be running out keeping her supplied with light beer in order to be supportive so that she doesnt drink strong stuff. Because she is doing the right thing by ringing detox!

Dang wave.

How are you holding up with it?

(sounds like you are seeing through it clearly, and know what's going on.  At the same time its still tough living through it)

Its giving me a headache, bawling and sobbng like a baby because I wont go get her grog. bottle shops only 800yds away, she could just get off her butt and do what she wants, and I would just ignore it, but the needy self entitlement that i run after her, and I guess indirectly condone it, has taken over.

Threatening to OD etc if I dont go get it etc...

There is this need to make her problems everyone elses.

This one could turn worse, if she goes under her own steam it will be the strong stuff.

Anyway got a huge extinction burst happening at the moment. Lets see how long this one lasts.

Oh dear

and now for desert... .  


... .  OD number 14. Ambulance on the way...

so she followed through on her word - and so did you of refusing to assume responsibility for her unhealthy behavior choices.

While painful, this is how learning occurs.

 

So sorry you're going through this.  Perhaps she will receive the much needed in patient therapy this time. 

Some warm thoughts your way Wave. Hang in there.


Is she being kept somewhere now?  At least for a couple days?

Try to take at least a moment and do one small thing that gives you some peace.  Maybe a tea... .  ?  

Nope they just let her sleep it off then out the door, straight into the grog shop in her dressing gown on her way from hospital at 8am in the morning. No pride.

Addiction isn't a prideful feeling. The addiction is in complete control. It demands what it wants. Whoever the person "was" they aren't any more... .  

Breath through the addiction and the BPD means she will need to hurt badly enough to want to change. Do you think she is getting closer to that place?

I think so, it is in part due to tougher boundaries and an inability to effectively project, which is leading to a greater degree of frustration and sense of worthlessness.

She knows the problems and genuinely wants them to be gone. But has yet not got a full grasp on the fact that SHE is going to have to knuckle down and do the hard yards (not just talk it ) to change things, rather than just expect others to magically do it for her. Until she sticks out therapy and sticks out detox nothing is going to change.

She just had a tantrum in the car when my son was with us because I wouldn't stop by the grog shop, so i stopped the car and made her get out and go get it herself if she wanted it, and get a cab home.

Keeps using the excuse of being booked in again for another detox and so i should be helping as she is doing the right thing...

detox wont accept her any more due to repeated time wasting... .  

... .  so the answer OD15

... .  call the ambulance again

What happens when she is released this time Wave?

Nobody official does squat.

I am thinking of starting my own boundary/consequence. If she does it again I disappear NC for 24 hours, if again 2 days, and so on. Not make a big fuss (though I am sure she will). This will trigger enormous abandonment issues, but as the saying goes if nothing changes things will go on exactly the same. Regular support is just falling into the black hole of neediness.

How are things Waverider? 

Hey wave,



Just checking in (still down with the flu here... .  ).  Been thinking about what type of advice to give, and I'm not sure what might be helpful to you.  Whatever you do going forward, I think it should include a very high proportion of ' taking care of Wave '  in it.  At a minimum, it should be obvious if you asked yourself 'now, in what way does this path protect/ take care of ME?'

   Just thinking of you and hoping things have settled down some.  I don't know where you live, but I'm surprised with as many overdoses that she hasn't been involuntarily committed.  Mental health is sadly bypassed so often.