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What is it with all the damn music being ":)ark". My "C" is always listening to stuff like Nine Inch Nails, or BuckCherry or something. You know the kind of stuff that portrays "sex drugs and rock and roll" as being "Cool"

It isn't really the music per se, it's the fact that a 48 year old woman likes it so much. Really I'm not a prude, I'm a classic rock kind of guy. Stuff like Zepplin, Stones, CCR, The Dead are what C and I grew up listening to.

This stuff like "F you like an animal" with snakes and sculls seems kinda "teenage" to me.

Mine has always liked scary crazy thrash metal. Adores linkin park (its rocky and angsty... . i think his attraction to them in lyric based). I always considered this just personal preference. But his favorite song, the Who's "behind blue eyes"... . I think is just about the most annoying song ever written. I could seriously be happy if i never heard it again. I never understood the appeal, until i knew he had BPD... . it makes perfect sense. he just identifies with it.  :light:

Angsty rock music and super-violent TV series like Breaking Bad or Sons of Anarchy. That's why my BPDw prefers.

I don't know... . with the kind of problems we have in our family it's the last thing I want. Even though I like a lot of "dark" stuff I want something more comtemplative and relaxing that I can regain energy from.

I have to really bite my tongue sometimes, because I can see her being in a bad mood and getting worse from listening to music or watching TV. Sometimes it seems to just agitate her.

If she was stressed out or seemed to be in a bad mood I used to put some soothing music on and try some kind of relaxing activity. Playing a game she enjoyed or something like that. It always puzzled me that it never seemed to work! It just made her anxious and jittery. Three glasses of wine ad an action movie at full blast though... . then sometimes she could feel asleep in the sofa.

My dBPD def likes similar stuff from Assemblage 23 to My Chemical Romance to Nine Inch Nails. I'm not sure about eveyone else, but once he "hooks" onto an album it's all i hear for weeks and week.

I kind of try to shut it out and think, well if it's keeping them safe and distracted them I'm ok with it.

My husband tends to like Dark things as well. However we tend to like the same TV shows so it never occurred to me that it was weird. I have always had a tendency to like Dark things as well though so I think it was something we have bonded over. For instance we really love Breaking Bad and the show American Horror Story. He likes dark humor more than anything.   

As far as his music tastes, he tends to get hooked on one thing and then will play it over and over again until he gets tiered of it, he does this with what he watches too though. I am usually just happy that he is paying attention to something other than his problems. New music gives him a mood lift. He really seems to connect with Eminem and some of the emotional things in his music and if you have even listened to Eminem's lyrics he has really dark subject matter.

It's always a window into her (dark) thoughts when I hear songs on the computer or she might sing certain ones from her iPod. Usually some of her favorite country songs with lyrics about cutting off relationships or wanting to get revenge, etc. When we used to get together with my family regularly, this happened almost every time on the way home. Not good times. Other times it would happen is when we just had a big argument about them. Usually it is accompanied by an angry email or two from her to them.

My wife just started on this music craze a few years ago, before our tastes were similar (Christian Music)  but now she really has changed.  Plays it obnoxiously loud, bothering myself and the kids. 

Gets fixated as well on certain songs, and I can see her body tense for certain lyrics, usually where someone has been wronged and won't take it anymore.

I'm a Nine Inch Nails addict   Ironically, Trent Reznor (who IS NIN) is also 48. I am 35 and more in his demographic I guess. He is into David Bowie, Rush and Queen. The song you mention "Closer" is not really a snake a skull kind of song. Take a look at the lyrics and you will see what I mean. The entire album of the Downward Spiral chronicles an individual that commits suicide. It is a masterpiece if you appreciate the industrial sound. Many of Reznor's songs read like a BPD field guide. He strikes me as a NPD sort of a guy, but of course I don't really know him. I can imagine though that he has had been in a lot of crazy relationships. From some of your posts recently it sounds like your gf is dealing with some stuff right now. Nails makes total sense and appeals to me when I am depressed. Take a listen and you might find something you like. It is not all industrial sounding and is quite varied over his 20+ year career.

I also love the old stuff like Zeppelin and the Stones.

My gf is all over the place since I believe she just listened to what everyone else was listening to so she could fit in. She still listens to Arabic music that her ex got her into. She also still does not eat pork   She also likes gansta rap and country music. Her favorites though when she is dysregulated is Hollywood Undead and Skillet. I know she has burned herself to Hollywood Undead before.

We both like dark stuff. I guess that says a lot about me.

It also irritates me when when she plays stuff to make a statement and try to get me to fight with her. We are having issues today and the last thing she texted me this morning was "BE FREE". I have no idea what that means but it is a very interesting Papa roach song. That is for another thread.

So, so, so true! Wow, it's like my wife is related or something. 

It may be surprising to some but music is closely related to emotions. So dark music with dark and angry emotions can be validating similar emotions in the pwBPD. It is some form of self validation.

Now that form of self validation can have side effects:

  - it gets too loud. Music terrorizes others

  - it does not fit our mood and is invalidating us

We can use music to learn about the emotions of the pwBPD. It is not always easy to watch a longer dark stretch.

Thank you for this post. I know I've been uncomfortable before with my partner's music. Now I know I can say I'm not comfortable with that music so I'm going to go and when you're done listening to it you can call me back. (We're in a ldr) luckily that hasn't happened in a long time, although I have some traumatic memories.

Actually, I am a musician and the music I make is so dark it makes my BPDw uncomfortable!  :) But to her defense, it's music for a very limited audience.

I don't think it's about the darkness per se that BPD people seem to like about goth-/dark culture. I think it's the outsider/"revenge-on-society" factor (a la Eminem).

Mines the same, he's a "rocker" but not a metal head ! He's obsessed with Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) its sometimes like he wants to be him. :/ Its like he mirrors him at times to have the life he had :S