BPDFamily.com

So heres the thing:

we met on tinder. Everything seemed great, same interests, same ethnic background even. I told her i am a virgin still she was cool with it.

On our second date she told me shas bpd. Not in therapy anymore since she needed to change therapists but she seemed fine. We watched some netflix cuddled, petted but no sex. She was like not on the first date. She then proceeded to show she posts nudes of herself for her ego boost.

I surprised her with an axe throwing date, she loved it as she collects weapons and knifes and it was a great date. She was on her period so no sex happened.

I needed to leave for a week, we had a small argument i apologized and after we didnt text for like 2.5 weeks. She commented on my picture on ig.


I reinitiated contact with her asking her to catch up. She agreed to a meetup but was like i am dating someine now.. ok wtf she wanted to see me tho so i agreed to meet her up still.


I picked her up with the car just as usual and noticed she would be holding back not to engage in my jokes etc. We went playing pool and eating.
At the dinner table we kind if got into the topic of relationships and i told her that i am bummed it didnt work out between us and that i respect her decision.

She was shocked, pretended we never dated, never kissed, accused me of lying and whatnot. I then retold her everything we did and it seemed to come back to her.
She then proceeded to tell me that it wouldnt have worked out between us anyways, that she wanted to do me this favour of sleeping with me but ultimately decided not to since she noticed i had a crusg on her and that it wouldve gurt me more if it happened. She then proceeded to tell me how attractive she thinks i am an that PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) happens she now has a boyfriend. Then said that i wouldnr be able to give her what she needed anyways, since shes into bdsm and thinks i couldnt dominate her..she never told me this and was like ups i guess i forgot.

She then proceeded to tell me how empathetic of a person she was etc. I proposed to her the idea of us having sex when shes single again, she agreed and thought i would propose a threesome which she doesnt do anymore. She then told me how great her new bf is how happy she is to finally have someone from the same ethnic background. I kept a stoic face as it was obvious she wanted to provoke a reaction. Car ride home she came to her senses and said i now know why you thought we were dating...

Anyway, she paid her half of the dinner. Since that we didnt text, it has been a month.  She keeps watching my stories likes my ig pictures.

Here's my question: what do i do now? I would like to get sexually involved with her again but she is in a relationship atm. How would i need to behave in order for it to work out when shes single again? Did she bench me or what the hell do you think are her intentions? Should i keep the "no contact" or txt her sometime? It was awkeard interacting with her on a "friendly" basis and i dont want that. Do you think this is even possible to happen in the future?

Thank you for your time. I am lost on this whole interaction i had.

Hi Fullcrum!

Relationships (of any sort) with pwBPD can be bewildering. Their feelings and emotions can change in a heartbeat and, for them, feelings = facts. They will distort reality to fit whatever they're feeling in the moment. For a Non, that's difficult to follow.

There's no way of knowing, really, what she intends to do in the future. Could she come back and want a sexual relationship? Maybe. But one thing you should keep in mind: her behavior patterns are unlikely to change.

In the meantime, I'd respect her wishes. Don't block her, but don't reach out either. The fact that she's still following you and hasn't cut you off may be a positive sign.

I'd also urge you to read up on BPD and relationships. We have some great resources here:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves
https://bpdfamily.com/content/my-definition-love-i-have-borderline-personality-disorder

Also, keep reading around the boards.

If she does come back and does want a relationship (and you decide that you do, too, fully informed about BPD), you and she will both be better off if you go into it with an arsenal of knowledge. The more you know, the better chance you have.

I've thrown a lot at you but I hope you'll take a look when you feel like it and let us know what you think. Keep posting!