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As I previously mentioned, Friday was pretty traumatic all day.  The culmination was my wife turning over furniture, throwing things, threatening suicide, screaming, and hitting herself until I called the crisis line and forced the phone to her ear.

Saturday was okay, but had a mild headache, and some ringing in my ears.

Sunday morning, I practically fell down from dizziness.  I took it easy that day.  The dizziness mostly faded, the mild headache was still there.  Same thing today, slightly dizzy, mild headache.

For those of you who have dealt with similar traumatic dysregulations - what kind of physical symptoms did you experience?  Do you think what I am feeling now could be stress/trauma related, or perhaps I am getting sick with something else?

Aww Max I'm so sorry  

I have anxiety issues myself BEFORE I married by dBPDh, but I do experience lightheadedness, increased heart rate, and my chest will feel tight like I cannot take a full breath.

From your symptoms, it might be more of a blood pressure issue, which stress can affect. Are you able to see a doctor?

I did experience weird episodes of dizziness. Sleeplessness. And nightmares. Vague nauseas. Difficulties focusing at work.

But in my areas, there has been quite a bit of sick people with the flu lately. I also noticed it takes longer to get rid of the small stuff when I'm in the misdt of a traumatic event.

Do one thing good for yourself right today...  

As a newlywed, and as a guy approaching age 40, now might be a great time to have a general wellness check and to see if your primary care physician would recommend anything like a cardiac workup, given the symptoms you've just had.

Physicians seem to be savvy about life stressors these days. And some are even very direct in their advice and prescriptions. So, if you're courageous enough to face this now, it could be an excellent thing.

And as she got home, in a bad mood again (first day of work), the target this evening was my dad.  And as I listened to her proclaim that he is "really stressing her out", I felt my head throb... .

If the headaches aren't caused by stress, the stress surely makes them worse. 

Probably time to call the doctor. 

I debated whether or not to take Xanax myself many years ago. (That was before all the strong cautions that go along with that drug now.) I'm glad I never did, and glad that I learned relaxation techniques and sitting meditation practice instead.

It's show time for you now, max. And your situation seems disorienting to the "max," I think. In a lot of ways harder than living with, for instance, a paranoid schizophrenic, which is my situation. It seems that for you one day's agenda can be a crisis of suicidal ideation, and the next day's event can be "new job."

Getting some clear protocols into place for you very soon is probably essential. Maybe a military strategist is your second best friend now, after the doctor. Someone like formflier.  :)

Initially I experienced a complete lack of energy (almost like having a flu), to the point that I could not get out of bed to eat or work.

I did not feel any special emotion, but they "went somatic".

Then it turned out that I am alexytimic myself (I consulted a therapist), so I started to pay more attention to recognising my own emotions (such as fear, anger, etc.).

I also have "emotional lag" - the emotional problems start the third day after the disaster.

I even found an iphone app that gives me pictures to choose and based on the types of pictures I choose, it tells me what I feel (it's very accurate, to my surprise). It's called "iEmotions".

After I work down to my emotions and name them and feel them, the somatic problem usually subsides.

Another options that I use to keep myself in shape are : valerian root pills (mild sedative), gym (jogging and boxing), long walks, music... .etc... .all in all, whatever works to decrease the stress level, even such strange things like reciting poetry, screaming to the music or making faces to the mirror (in private, of course)

R/S problems can be more stressful than people realize. I lived through some real ugly, life threatening situations in my past employment without any stress related problems. But my R/S problems cause me sleeplessness, headaches, and acid reflux issues.

Stress is like an acid running through your body. It eats away at you from the inside in ways you can not even conceive. The effects can be long term and can build up over time to serious health problems.

We all want to take care of our SO with BPD. But we cannot do it unless we are healthy. Take care of yourself, Max, your health is important, too.     

 

Max,

I think you have done really well moving your r/s... .and you wife to a much better place.  I suspect your role in this will be heavy for a while longer.

I think that you need to start introducing the concept to your wife that you are her husband... .not a therapist... .not an emotional punching bag... .

Since momentum is going in the right direction for you guys... .I would suggest doing this slowly... .start "mentioning it"... .

But I think for your long term stability... .you need to see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Do I think you will ever be free from any effects of this... .nope.  But somehow... .it needs to get much less.

So... .eventually a strategy that looks like... .she comes home... .needs to "vent on you... ."... .  You let her know you will be available in 2 hours... .she then gets to deal with her feelings... .get on a crisis line and vent to them... .something... .but you get a relatively normal existence until you are "available"... .you discuss her emotions and issues... .and then you move along.

Thoughts?

I suspect right now there is some anxiety going on with you because the quality of your life is in the control of a pwBPD traits.