BPDFamily.com

Hello all,

needed to post here to clarify my thoughts and maybe get some opinion about the situation.

We have had mostly calm times with uBPDw (together for 6 years), apart that every few weeks she have started to burst out. This is probably because our toddler is very active and have all kinds of seasons which in her age is normal I suppose. (sleep patterns change, teeths etc.) She has her mother living here and she has been a tremendous help, I think she couldnt handle alone.

In the past 3 months there have been huge increase in critique and negative talk about me, baiting for fight. I tried to keep things calm, and for the past week needed to apply medium chill which has caused that she's been very quiet for 3-4 days. We lost all sexual interaction approx 3 month ago when things started to escalate badly, good moments wont last a day. I tried to validate her feelings but in return she reply with sarcasm. She outright said I would need a new woman and that she is in search of a "good" man. She was heavily devaluing me literally every day before this quietness.

She openly talked what kind of man she has met, puts herself very nice everyday before going to work. There is possibility she has met someone new there, I wouldnt be surprised. I try not to react to all this, but knowing this all might end up in discarding me it has made me think how will I deal with the aftermath. I have tried to document the outbursts because they have been very violent from time to time, and I am concerned about our little girl left alone with her when I cannot protect her.

Dont really know what to do, I guess MC is the way to go and see how it will turn out but for long time strategy it seems bad option.

Lion

How are you doing with all that implied breakup talk? Has she been physically abusive to you? Are you concerned she might hurt your daughter? Does she behave like this in front of her mother?

Hello Cat!

How are you doing with all that implied breakup talk? For me it is very frustrating to listen, tbh I have started to think that it would be some sort of relief if she would go with the divorce.

Has she been physically abusive to you? She has been. When she starts to rage she gets physical with slaps and throwing things. Sometimes even worse, recently I had to remove knife from her hand when she made gesture to cut her wrist.

Are you concerned she might hurt your daughter? I am afraid when she flips, seems that she is uncontrollable at times.

Does she behave like this in front of her mother? Her mother is not safe either, she gets angry and physical with her too. Her mother blames uBPDw hormones and tiredness for this, but when it has been going on for years it is a bit hard to go along with such an explanation. She seems to be accepting it and hasn't really done anything because of it, it's always something else but not her daughter's fault. I suggested to MIL that maybe bpd would explain her daughters actions but she just watched me in disbelief.

Recently uBPDw has started suspect something, blames me that I'm "frozen" or stonelike, which results in even more her baiting. Her moods flip very fastly, and I start to see some pattern in her actions. It is hard to keep up with the MC because of DD, of course I want to show my emotions to her.

I already made contact with local CPS about the situation with DD, they were not very keen to put the high gear on yet, but said if police will be called they will act swift and appropriately. They recommended low level services, counselling and such which would be ideal. But because uBPDw doenst feel that there's anything wrong with her it is impossible to get any support there.

Never thought I would end up in this situation

Lion