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Well we are driving 175 miles down to testify on behalf of our Son for court tomorrow with DHS. It is snowing. Tomorrows court hearing is regarding the false accusations his wife has made against him. This is where he could lose his nursing license if he is found guilty of any of the charges. We have no idea what is going to happen. The judge that was supposed to hear the case has been released due to some sort of conflict with this case. I just would like to say thank you for all the support and advice. Forever Dad has really given us some excellent advice. It's nice to know that we aren't alone, even though I don't wish this on anyone. We all have to stay strong and do what we have to do for our kids and grandchildren.

GOOD LUCK!  Yes Dittos to Forever Dad.  So many people here have spent so much time and energy helping us. 

Wishing you and your son well in court today  |iiii

Panda39

If anything in the judge's decision isn't correct, then you probably have a week or two to file an objection or for a reconsideration or whatever it is called.

Be aware that in order to contest something, you have to have submitted the details as evidence or directly testified to them.  An appeal doesn't include documentation not presented to the court, it can only look at what was made available and presented to the judge at that time or previously "on the record".

Also, judges often don't like to find one parent all in the wrong and the other all in the right.  Maybe they don't think it fosters future cooperation if one wins and the other loses, so something has to be found wrong about each?  Whatever.  So just make sure that any things 'found' wrong against son are minor things that won't impact either his parenting or his profession.

Hmm, one approach we've seen in court is where the judge admonishes the 'loser' so he sounds bad (to satisfy the accuser) and then rules that all the allegations are unsubstantiated or don't rise to the level of being 'actionable' and therefore dismissed (doing justice to the case and the accused).

Court couldn't have gone any worse. Well, it could have I guess.  When we got to court we were told by our sons state attorney that the DA was going to dismiss the charges.  We got into court the DA stood up and said the charges would be dropped regarding his son and most likely in the near future his SD.  Our sons wife's attorney agreed, the bio dad of SD attorney agreed and before I knew it a woman stood up and very passionately said she did not agree.  We didn't know it at the time but this was my GS state appointed attorney.  She said she had fears regarding this, she had great concerns for my GS, she feared what our son would do to his son if DHS pulled out and dismissed the charges.  She also stated that GS mother had taken all the parenting courses that were mandatory but our son hadn't done one single thing to try and rectify the situation, she said he didn't even do the parenting classes.  The judge was astounded, she said the father has visitation, unsupervised?  The attorney stated yes, the judge said even overnight visits?  The attorney stated yes.  The judge was shocked.  She then agreed with my GS attorney, as did the other attorneys so now there is a new trial date of Jan 12th.  When it was our sons attorneys time to speak she didn't really say much at all.  I sat in the court with my sons witnesses who were a doctor, neighbors, a scientist he works with and myself.  Afterwards our son came up to me and said he had taken the Mandatory classes, and told his attorney that but she said nothing during court.  That is one of the things I hate about things like this, the fact that no one can speak, you just have to sit there and play the game of court.  I watched our sons wife sit up there, playing the victim as her voice trembled with fear.  I sat there wanting to scream WOW, WTF, why is everyone believing this.  When we got home I called our sons DHS  caseworker, I told her our son had taken the mandatory courses, and asked who the woman was in court.  That is when we were told it was my GS attorney.  I got her name and number and asked to speak with her.  She couldn't take my call of course.  I asked to set up a meeting, the receptionist took my info, I told her my son had taken the parenting course.  Our son has an appt to meet with his sons attorney, as well as his sons teacher next week.  So here we sit again screwed by the system, in shock, depressed and in disbelief.  Our son sent a picture to both his attorneys of his parenting certificate.  He fears when he goes to pick up his son on Sat she won't be there with him because what happened in court is all the ammunition that she needs to keep him.  When we got home last night his neighbors came outside and asked me what happened.  As I told this couple who are in their mid 30's they both broke down and cried.  The woman said your son is the nicest, most compassionate caring father I have ever met who doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He is passive, why is this happening to him?  I have no answers .  It's said that everything that happens in life has a reason. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  Maybe for some but not for all.  So now I sit here with tears streaming down my face asking GOD what do we do now?  I know we keep on fighting, that's all I know. 

Huh?  From what you wrote, your son didn't even know about that lawyer.  How could a mystery lawyer speak so definitively about him if they never had contact, or evidently even attempted contact?

Was mother's completion of the parenting courses presented at court?  If son has to prove he did his parent, then mother should too.  (Not that court cares, it will accept the claims of attorneys, officers of the court.)  Oh, and if GS attorney didn't have the completion confirmation or report for son, why didn't she ask for the paperwork or the current status?

I recall my manager from the 1990s talking with a coworker, "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."  I thought of that when reading that son's attorney knew he had completed them but didn't mention it.  After all, someone (previously unknown GS attorney) jumped up and spoke out but didn't get scolded. And didn't even ask WHETHER course was taken!  I doubt son would have been scolded too badly if he stood up and asked for a moment to confer with his attorney and then remind her he really had taken the course.

This so frustrates me, attorneys always tell their clients to keep quiet.  Sure it helps us to avoid the logistical and legal traps in the legalese.  Maybe they're too used to having perps as clients?  Maybe they have so many cases they don't have in mind all the details of the case and what has been accomplished so far?  But then we're so timid we don't speak up to correct mistakes or worse.

As for the 2 month delay, sadly a one or two month continuance is not unusual, courts are busy.

When they next convene can son ask not just (1) that his class completion be noted and (2) that he had complied and completed before the prior hearing but also (3) that he get make-up time for all the missed parenting?  If he doesn't ask then I'm sure that thought will never be considered.

What to do if she doesn't show up for the exchange?  Then he calls the police reporting a failed exchange.  Officer(s) come, listen.  If both parents there, then they really encourage them to agree on the written orders.  If the case is continued without a further change of order, then the same terms exist for exchange.  If mother claims otherwise, then she's wrong but officers are unlikely to force an exchange.  As my officers told us when the impasse continued, "Work it out in court."  My not-a-lawyer guess is that if she refuses an exchange then son can ask his goofball lawyer (who didn't even have the presence of mind to pause and confer with her client whether or why he did or did not complete the disputed course) to file some sort of ex parte or Contempt of Court filing to get action before two more months pass.  With such a basic mistake I would think he needs a consultation with another lawyer to see what alternate options he has.

Is your son, as your neighbors described him, "passive"?

If that is his natural approach to life and circumstances, it will be especially critical for him to find a lawyer who will be proactive and aggressive on his part.

The lawyer is the guardian ad litem I guess.  We had no idea who she was.  Our son is a rule follower, as am I.  You are told not to say anything and that timing is everything. I have no idea why she didn't say anything. Our son tried to speak with her after but she had more cases, she didn't have time.  This is a court appointed attorney, you don't get to choose a different one.  You get who you get.  Never having dealt with anything like this we are not savvy about how things work.  We take it at face value.  From my understanding his wife and his SD bio Dad spoke with the attorney/ GAL telling her his ex W wife was an excellent mother.  They have gone down to DHS making the same claims.  Our sons divorce attorney is more of a barracuda, but he is PAYING for that attorney.  Our son has a lot of patience, is he passive?  Well he isn't aggressive, but he isn't a fool either.  He won't allow anyone to push him over.  He regrets not just standing up and saying that yes he did take the parenting class.  As far as the change overs they meet at a small market, so she just doesn't show up and doesn't answer texts.  Our son was in the military for 4  years and then worked overseas for 4 years for a private company, he was in charge of 250 Turkish soldiers, he is firm when needed but not aggressive or abusive.  Out of this he will get a psychological evaluation for free, but his wife won't be made to have one unless the judge orderes it.  We are waiting for the certified letter with the "founded" allegations from DHS.  Another thing DHS is trying to take over the divorce as well, DHS are trying to consolidate this DHS thing with his divorce and put them both together so they will decide on custody.  Does it get any worse?  Oh, ya... .I'm sure it does. 

Maybe it needs to be put together with he divorce so the more assertive lawyer takes it on... .plus, an evaluation can then be ordered for both parents for custody purposes.

If They consolidate it he doesn't get his attorney that is aggressive, he gets the state provided attorney, who is passive. 

Also I just learned our son doesn't have an apt with the GAL/ attorney for his son but has requested one.  He has not heard back, she doesn't have to meet with him, it's her option, because that is how great our system works.  During court she made the statement over and over that our son was abusive to his son.   That is totally false.  I have never seen our son even spank either child, only use time out.   She doesn't have to meet him, but she can say all these false statements in court.