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I have been Reading this book. It made me shiver as it described my story perfectly. The description of the grooming stage, and of the subsequent stages was overwhelming. It even described his stare. His laugh. The way I saw him laughing looking at me with no reason. I asked why and he answered I am not laughing I am smiling, but I knew he was laughing at me... .the phrases he said. You are Crazy. You are jealous. You are oversensitive. The triangulation... .everrything is so spot on.
The diagnosis of my ex was made by my therapist. Now... .I know I am being irrational but... .are there so many similarities between Bpds and psychopaths or it is just that my ex? According to the book his next move will be to show off in my face his new lover and she will be one of those he triangulated me with. I even think I know who will be... .and the book says I lasted such a short time as I was just a transizionale object and that he will never contact me again as I dared to confronti him.

If the half of it is true I do not think I will survive to such a pain.

Please tell me I am overreacting. But this book has really scared me. It was him. Him to a T.

Hi Unforgiven-

"Psychopath" is an obsolete term as far as the clinical folks go, that combination of traits are now called Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), which is distinctly different from Borderline Personality Disorder, although everyone's different and lots of folks have comorbid, meaning at the same time, disorders.

Here's the official description of ASPD (https://bpdfamily.com/content/antisocial-personality-disorder) and BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder); you might read through them and see if they shed any more light.

And in the end the official diagnosis doesn't matter as much as his behaviors and how they affected you.  Please read through and let us know what you think.  Take care of you!

hi Unforgiven II,

id tread pretty lightly with this book for several reasons:

1. psychopathy is very different than borderline personality disorder
2. it over generalizes and lumps anyone with a mental illness as a predator with a specific set of tactics.
3. it presents a narrative that your ex had a malicious plot to... .destroy you romantically? is this realistic? generally when someone cons someone there is a goal, like a monetary gain.

people with BPD are impulsive and act in the moment. in that moment it often feels confusing if not intentional to us. not that a person with BPD is incapable of acting intentionally to hurt someone, we all are. generally speaking, people with BPD desperately seek to attach, and obtain a fantasy, not to harm or destroy.  

for a better understanding, i strongly encourage you to check out james mastersons Search For The Real Self : Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age.

read lots of books

the truth sets you free

 

Very good advice!

Actually BPD and ASPD are both Cluster B disorders. They can overlap. And yes I believe we can lump ASPD all together because they are nothing but predators. A lot of pwBPD are as well. It is a spectrum disorder yes. But if someone is ASPD nothing in this world can fix them.