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Hi. I watched another video on YouTube by Richard Grannon. It is called Addicted to the narc craving a Spike. Richard Grannon believes that all Cluster B PD overlap. In this video he says that they inflict the ST on us because they know ouremotional state. They know the hook is there. They come back when the book is coming out,when we move on. How do they know? He cannot explain it. He talks about psychic bonds.

So for all of us asking  why we are not contacted... .here is a theory. What do you think?

I posted another thread about another theory about why they do not contact us. Feedback would be appeciated.

I've read a lot of people post that the ex seemed to come back as the person was starting to move on. But judging from my exes past I don't think she ever reaches back out to ex partners and friends. I think she has too much of an ego. My ex made sure she burned the bridge so she couldn't come back.

How did she do it?

Why were we not contacted? The other person moved on. It's not more complicated than that.

Why are we asking this question? Because we have not. It's not more complicated than that. No judgement here, by the way.

Do they come back because the hook is coming out We have to be careful not to believe we are at the center of the exs universe. The reason either party recyles or touches base after a break-up is either because there is unfinished business, or they have encountered insecurities as they exit and are circling back around for emotional comfort in there quest to depart.

This is not limited to BPD, by the way... .it's weakness / poor boundaries.

10% of members report having a single breakup. 25% report 10 or more. Everyone else is in the middle. But it finally ends. 66% of the time it is the pwBPD that shuts the door.

Psychic connection Be careful not to buy into the over-pathologizing of our exs. Be especially careful of the narcissist / psychopath websites - they tend to be the most extreme. I watched a video this morning (not the one you cite) and I was amazed at how little the "expert" knows about basic human behavior. It was a classic version of backward engineering someones psyche based on the way they make us feel. Hurt people operating from this perspective are not the best "scientists".

Personalty disorders are real illnesses and those who suffer with them have real issues and these issues can lead to really painful behavior toward loved-ones. We don't don't become smarter or better prepared to live in the world where 28% of people have a mental illness or addiction by creating super-monsters that can only be described as all evil, all the time, aliens.

Yea im sure our exes have fully moved on to the point where they dont even think about us anymore. Remember they have object permanence issues and we probably dont even exist anymore in their minds. Those that are recycled are probably special to the BPD ex and probably cant be split black for long.

I agree with the last piece in Skip's post about demonising the borderline.

How does this help the situation. It can't. It mirrors the splitting problem and when we respond to fire with fire, in general the fire gets bigger and more dysfunctional. In my experience, this is when I most enabled the behaviour in my relationship. The Borderline feels invalidated - with it's attending rages.

How can we respond to the Borderline and throw water instead?

Or better yet, throw nothing and get on with our lives?

I love this question.  I've been really kind to my BPDexgf and when she is lucid, she really appreciates it.  These folks received little kindness in their formative years, that's why they are like this.  Being cruel to them now, despite their hurtful behavior, doesn't help you or the SO.  Good for you!  I am impressed with your thought.