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Title: Closure Post by: NateBee on November 09, 2020, 08:39:51 AM I’ve recently broken up with my ex partner of 9 months. I’m having difficulty navigating how to cope with the lack of closure. All of my actions have been twisted and I am being told that I have used her and led her on. During the relationship I gave all of my efforts to show her that I was a caring partner, and on her end self admittedly she states that I stayed for too long. There is way too much to dig into why I have stayed and put up with what I had, but the hardest part is knowing that the way that she feels is founded on resentment and her coping mechanism to cut me out completely. I recently found out not even 24 hours after our breakup that she is using an online dating site, and this part of things is really hard. I guess I just want some help navigating this breakup and finding ways to stay emotionally healthy without ruminating on all of this.
Title: Re: Closure Post by: Woolspinner2000 on November 09, 2020, 08:41:06 PM Welcome NateBee, :hi:
I'm really glad that you have joined our online family to find support and care after leaving the relationship that you were in. It's quite the experience, a tearing away from someone that you were close to. I'm very sorry that you have gone through this. What were some of the aspects of the relationship that you found particularly difficult? I think the fact that she was already looking for someone else would be really tough. That would hurt anyone. When someone has bpd traits, they're especially looking for someone to fill the empty place they have inside. Perhaps her 'self-soothing' was to quickly move on so she didn't feel so bad about the ending of your relationship. What do you think? Wools Title: Re: Closure Post by: Inside on November 15, 2020, 10:39:43 AM Those with BPD develop extraordinary skills of projecting their behavior toward partners. It keeps you off balance, while doubting yourself, as they continue moving on ...if several BPD steps ahead..
Closure is never their goal, the best in life they can do is maintain a stable of potential and former lovers. Both sick, and sad, you simply need out. Pulling the same con on everyone, they’ll simply stick around longer and return more often to those with something left to give. Parasitical. You’ve described the BPD modus operandi: become the person you want most, work that until a deeper r/s is required or expected … all the time actively planning and seeking a replacement - while tossing ‘reasons’ at you as to ‘why it’s not working.’ or is your fault. Preemptive blame, and a total disregard for your commitment or feelings. That’s what you, if not everyone around here - have experienced … as we’re all at different stages of recovery.. My advice: learn, to the extent you conclude, it wasn’t you. Break all contact with this person, forever. Seek a relationship that is not exhausting, one that’s ‘requirements’ cause you to grow in a healthy direction, toward a truly shared goal. Allow for sadness, but learn from it. Eventually, you’ll have obtained a Superpower! That of spotting, not only BPD’s, but their ‘cluster B’ equivalents… Then you get to warn/ inform your friends about the same. No pain, no gain - applies to both physical and emotional damage. Heal |iiii |