BPDFamily.com

My first post!
Any advice is appreciated and welcomed!

We live about a four hour drive from each other.   About a month out from break up. 12 year relationship with girlfriend (formally diagnosed with BPD). Also a 7 year cancer survivor. I’ve been with her through so much.  Every oncology visit. Every doctor visit. Sat in a chair next to her hospital bed overnight so she wasn’t alone and went to work the next day. Repeat,  until she was discharged.  In the beginning we went through a few cycles of break up, reconnect. She was diagnosed with BPD. I read everything I could, so I could understand what she was going through and to help support her better.  She was in treatment and trying some meds.  She was making slow progress and things were getting even better than in the past.

Fast forward a month ago.  We were texting. And I could tell she was getting distant and short in her replies. She Says. I’m done with meds, done with counseling,  the diagnosis of BPD was fake. I don’t have it.  Me: I can tell you’re really upset and frustrated, do you want to talk about it?  No, she says and gets worse.I said “bye” ended the call.  I was angry too by that time.  It was Late and I didn’t call back that night. She didn’t call me.  Days turned into two weeks.  I know,  Extreme childish on my part.

I figure, I’m blocked on all social media and her phone. Like previous times.  I check, nope, not blocked.  I text. It goes through. She responds and is full of rage.  I’m thinking, I did it that time. She hates me now.  Try again the next day.  Much better.   She’s still mad. But talks.  

This is different this time.  In the past, she would be made for about a day then shift back to her old self and we’d work things out.   This time, we’ve been texting for a week and a half. She’s not mad, but part of that old self is gone.  She isn’t texting the same.  Every ounce in awhile I see the old her come out, then it goes away.  I asked her.  It seems like you’re trying to force or hide your feelings for me, because they keep sneaking out for a minute and you tuck them back away.  She replied. No, this is the real me now.   She will contact me first about as much as I contact her now.  But zero use of any terms of endearment and
No more talk of a relationship.  She gets angry easier now, and seems more depressed.

She hasn’t replaced me, I verified through a mutual friend. Who said no, she hasn’t even talked to any other men, she doesn’t want to.  I can’t figure out or understand this new her, barely like a new person I’m talking too.  I’m beating myself up for being childish before.  I have apologized to her and explained my actions.  She said. Maybe you did it on purpose.  She has been  twisting and distorting a lot of things it seems, in order to hate me.  At least that’s what it feels like.  

Anyone have ideas.  Is she erasing me from her life?

Are there any circumstances that might lead to her being more depressed than usual?

So she’s mad at you for not contacting her, but she didn’t contact you either. How is it that you have the burden and the guilt for not communicating with her?

Hi Cat,

No, nothing else that would cause any additional depression that I know of. 

It seems to me like she is suppressing any feelings for me.  But not all the time.  Occasionally, the old her comes through and we have great conversations like before, like nothing happened.  But as quickly as that happens, it goes away, followed by her being angry again and the cycle starts over.  If I mention anything about us restarting our relationship she shuts down and then gets angry.  She will say I don't want a relationship with you or anyone, not ever.  I don't bring up relationships now. 
The best way I can describe this - if she had multiple personalities and was cycling through them very quickly.  Switching back and forth during a conversation. 

What is she angry about?