BPDFamily.com

Hi, I'm Red61 and new member,

I am in the middle of a divorce initiated at the end of July by my spouse with BPD/npd. We have been married for 10 years. During our previous attempts at couples counseling, my wife has quit three different counselors, even though she picked the counselors! I have continued to see the last one of the three counselors alone for the past 5 years. Without his perspective and support regarding my wife's behaviors, I don't know that I could have made it this far. I have been subjected to verbal abuse, outrageous accusations, and what I have found to be almost intolerable----extended periods of the "silent treatment"... .living in the same house but being treated as if I do not even exist. The longest period was 35-days straight. Have others experienced this from their spouses with BPD or npd?

Red61: Welcome to the forum.

As an introvert, I loved the silent treatment! Because while she was ignoring me that meant that she wasn't b___ing at me. If she'd been giving me the silent treatment during the day, then I'd sleep in the basement. A side-benefit of doing that is that I didn't have to worry that she'd pass out drunk while going pee in the middle of the night, and fall down on me, and break my leg. So I got better sleep during silent-treatment days. I didn't have to remain hyper-vigilant all night long.

Yes, lots of silent treatment. Sometimes i felt like my soul was being shredded from it. It is common BPD behavior, and can be damaging to the person on the receiving end of it.

If you pay attention to it, and show the pain, they will grind it into you as deep as they can. It is their anger and attempt to control you. A disregulation imo, they are best left on their own to sort themselves out.

It took me ages to accept that my boyfriend really was trying to hurt me and was feeding off of my pain. It gave him a sense of power and control. I have mostly stopped reacting to him on it. If he does it, i go do something else. It isnt that i dont care, its that it isnt worth the upset it causes me to try and deal with him while hes doing it.

I think I would like the silent treatment - my uhwBPD will follow me about the house, wherever I go, berating me and telling me how it is all my fault and telling me how to behave. This will go on for hours. I have to leave the house for any peace and that is hard when I have 2 children of my own in the house and I feel like I am abandoning them.

While I am saddened by my dBPDw's silent treatment over the past 18 months, I too am an introvert and thus can more easily absorb it - especially because I have 3 children with whom I relish the additional interaction!  I would much rather endure the silent treatment versus the verbal abuse.  A good T is a must, it helps keep you grounded, focused and driving in the right direction.