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Title: Just had an operation happened again. Post by: inrealife on October 19, 2021, 07:12:33 PM Hi
Happened again and this time I guessed 20% chance things would be different. But once again I was wrong hoping for the best. I just had a knee operation I am 68 and use to be active before Covid and another operation last year. My grown daughter now 46 who I have had problems with since she was a child came to visit to help with my recovery. She ended up coming over late that evening after my operation and wanted to talk about subjects we previously had arguments about. Thank God I was on pain meds but I still was actually hyper from what they gave me during the operation, this happened years ago too. Being this way I did answer her questions but she kept going to and on for two hours. Finally she fell asleep but started up the next day. A week or so I had been listening to a book about BPD and thought I had the tools to handle her but I was wrong. I was at a weak point and she knew it and I felt like she took advantage of my situation. She was here for 3 days and brought me something to drink twice and handed me the dinner plate I prepared on crutches the second night of course she ate too. The third day I had enough besides her calling me many bad things and saying because I did not agree with her I lost my humanist.Not sure that is even how you use that word. Funny thing I raised her to not judge anyone and come to a conclusion if you want to associate or be friends with that person do it by how they treated her. She sat on the couch for those 3 days following my operation did absolutely nothing except argue, scream or gave me the silent treatment. On the third day I told her to leave and just say it was not pretty. Finally I am able to recover and remove the stress she gives me every time we talk or when she visits every few years. One thing I told her about my operation but never asked to be here. Similar happened a few years back for another emergency surgery. I have learned never to ask my daughter for a thing because there is always consequences throughout the years. In our conversations she told me she did not like me and did not want to cooperate with our family unit since she was 10 years old. I have stories and pictures showing much of her childhood was happy even though she felt different all those years. A doctor diagnosed her with BPD a few years back. She said he was wrong and all she has is CPTSD which one of her counselor decided that was her problem not BPD. I have seen her manipulate health care professionals for years. When listening to this book I realize she has traits of not only BPD but also of a narrscist. I have not label her for a couple yearsnow after learning it is not a good thing to do. It is hard for me to understand her because I am the complete opposite, family and friends tell me I am a great caretaker, which have done throughout my life. After rereading this I think it is all over the place probably because all the medication still in me lol Title: Re: Just had an operation happened again. Post by: Sancho on October 22, 2021, 03:26:21 AM No it's not all over the place - it is how it is for many of us with BPD children. I had open heart surgery a few years ago and there was no phone call, visit anything from dd.
In a way I was really happy about that - for all the reasons you have mentioned above. I know it is a brain that is not functioning in a normal way, but when you are dealing with the aftermath of major surgery and they make it all about them - well it is so hard to deal with! Good on you for saying enough was enough. If there is ever a time to put yourself first it would be in the situation you were in. Title: Re: Just had an operation happened again. Post by: Flossy on October 25, 2021, 05:30:12 AM Inreallife
You are allowed to use labels. It will help you to learn to recognise her behaviours and her manipulations. You don't have to say the labels to her out loud but you can use them whenever you want and in your mind. Just a couple of tips if it's okay. Make these rules. Never let her near you again when you are vulnerable. Strictly limit when/if she is ever allowed inside your home again. If you meet her, do it in a public place. Don't go inside her home. Don't let her inside your home. Don't make it obvious to her. Manipulate her back so that you keep her OUT of where she feels comfortable misbehaving. Keep it in coffee shops or shopping centres. Have another person present who doesn't know her well if you can. The idea being...keep her UNSURE of her rights and not in a situation where she feels comfortable. This is self-protection and is not a bad thing to do. PS You are right a lot of pwBPD show narcisististic traits as well. You are not imaging or exagerating anything. You are right. |