|
Title: What is the line? Post by: MeandThee29 on May 22, 2019, 11:23:56 AM At what point do you say, "Please send all communications to my attorney?"
Title: Re: What is the line? Post by: livednlearned on May 22, 2019, 12:06:25 PM What is happening?
If her communication wrath is impacting you to the point you cannot heal, then give yourself permission to set a limit. You get to decide when enough is enough. You can also try some behavior modification. During the early days of my high conflict divorce, I forwarded ex's emails to a friend who read them and then emailed me a one-line summary of what, if anything, I needed to respond to. Just seeing an email from ex gave me heart palpitations. Over time, as I healed, it got easier to read the emails myself. I only responded when there was something reasonable. That was roughly 5 percent of what he sent. Most of it I ignored. You could forward emails to your attorney, although that will cost money. Or, you could forward for a short period until you start to recognize what your L says requires a response. It is surprising how much you do not actually have to respond to Title: Re: What is the line? Post by: MeandThee29 on May 22, 2019, 01:32:08 PM If her communication wrath is impacting you to the point you cannot heal, then give yourself permission to set a limit. You get to decide when enough is enough. I only responded when there was something reasonable. That was roughly 5 percent of what he sent. Most of it I ignored. This morning a friend said to push the things that really bother me emotionally and/or wouldn't fly with a judge off to the lawyer. Pretty much what you said. My lawyer was skeptical that one-on-one negotiation was going to work on everything. Title: Re: What is the line? Post by: livednlearned on May 22, 2019, 02:25:12 PM Blamers are not usually good at negotiation and other forms of compromise.
That's a direct quote from Bill Eddy's book, Splitting. Giving in and compromising can feel like abandonment or inferiority. On our side of things, making large concessions does not lead to long-term peace. I found a mixture of setting an unreachable goal on the table helped because then it gave me some room to whittle things down to halfway, which looked like a concession when it was in fact my (reasonable) goal. That allowed my ex to feel like he was winning. The person who actually taught me that was my ex, a former trial attorney :( He did not practice his own advice, thankfully! |