BPDFamily.com

  everyone, usually I post on the staying and coping boards and I thought I might dip my toe in the water here.

I have an ex husband whose traits may qualify me for posting on this board. I have full custody of our 15 year old. Currently my ex is actively using drugs so there is no coparenting.

If the board is open to me posting here please let me know. My ex did get a diagnosis of bipolar before I met him and a former therapist of mine has described him as having sociopathic traits.

Please let me know if it would be appropriate for me to post on this board.

How much access does he have to D15?

Be seen you talk about some of your struggles with her. Have you incorporated some of the validation tools when dealing with her?

Hi Turkish, I won't allow him to come over when he is high but other then that I have not restricted his access to her. He lives in another town. He does not see her very much at all. She went to see him  briefly of her own volition at the beginning of this month when she was avoiding coming home, he has not come to see her since I told her he could not be under the influence under my roof.

Do you mean have I used validation tools when dealing with my D15?

Yes.

Not deliberately, no, but I do tell her things like "I understand what you are saying and... ."

I'm having so many problems with her, like right now, she's not home and she's supposed to be. I'm not exactly where she is, she may be at work or on the way home from work, and I'm pretty sure her phone is dead.

 In the long run, take a look at the lessons to the right. SET, DEARMAN, all of it works on anybody as needed. With kids, validation goes a long way. I also recommend picking up the book The Power of Validation.

Short term? Have you had a history of her defying your authority as a parent? Or is this a teen thing? Do you feel that she may be taking after her father? Hard to say with a teen, but do you see and BPD like traits?

I learned dear man in DBT and I'm taking DBT again.

I will look up the book.

She has been disrespecting me since she was 4.

She self harmed when she was 11.

She's drank and smoked marijuana, shoplifted, truant.

She is taking after her father.

She is 15.

I may start reading the parenting board.

The power of validation : arming your child against bullying, peer pressure, addiction, self-harm, & out-of-control emotions / Karyn D. Hall, Melissa H. Cook

I requested it from the local library.

It may be too late: she's been bullied, in middle school she was the accomplice to a robbery which may have been due to peer pressure, she was busted twice last month for marijuana use, she had a self harm incident in middle school.

Out of control emotions?

My daughter has her emotions on lock down.

My SO thinks some of her stuff is temperamental, some of her stuff is teenage.

Me?

I don't know.

You probably would get more applicable resources on parenting.

I hadn't thought to look for resources on parenting and I will give that a go.