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Title: Can we be friends Post by: LemonOmelette on April 05, 2024, 06:39:27 PM I’ve known this guy four years, I’d say we were good friends. Open and honest . I knew he was a recovering alcoholic with a few other issues. In November we started dating and it was lovely. I wouldn’t say intense or clingy, we were just happy and got on. Then he changed. He started picking fights over tiny little things like my tone of voice and building it up to huge dramas. He started standing me up on dates and it finally ended when he threw me out in the middle of the night. One minute we were watching a film, the next he was yelling at me. I don’t want a relationship like that but I do miss his friendship. He didn’t tell me until we were dating that he’d been diagnosed with BPD. Is it worth me attempting to regain our friendship, or is it irretrievable?
Title: Re: Can we be friends Post by: once removed on April 06, 2024, 08:03:02 AM the worth of the attempt is largely up to you.
is there a path to regaining the friendship? as in, if you were to go about it, how would you do so? Title: Re: Can we be friends Post by: ForeverDad on April 06, 2024, 01:11:41 PM Yes, it's your choice.
But... past experience is a huge predictor of any future experience. Unless he makes substantive progress in serious therapy then it's likely to be painful again sooner or later. Would he pursue meaningful therapy and apply it in his life and relationships? BPD is an emotion-laden disorder most evident among close relationships. When romance is/was a possibility, it's different than just being buddies. As to your question, I suspect he's just too sensitized by the past close contact, but of course that's just a generalization. Title: Re: Can we be friends Post by: LemonOmelette on April 06, 2024, 07:49:36 PM I’ve retuned some of his things by post with a kind letter offering friendship but I’ve left it there. I guess I just leave it up to him now.
Title: Re: Can we be friends Post by: LemonOmelette on April 15, 2024, 08:58:04 AM Update , he called, we chatted for a bit but he was confused and couldn’t finish sentences . He asked me to go to the docs with him. Later I send a message with dates I was free to go to the docs and he responded by accusing me of having an STD (there has only been him in the last three years)and telling his Dad I was pregnant ( I didn’t speak to his Dad). He’s now blocked me, is this usual? Should I just forget him and move on? I guess the answer is no, we can’t be friends.
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