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Title: Only starting to sort things out Post by: 2long on October 08, 2015, 09:21:14 PM I am writing here for the first time, though I've come here for some understanding for many years off and on. My husband has never acknowledged any of his issues, and I have been throwing wet blankets over every explosion in our (and his) family for so long. Our oldest child has left home, and now his younger sibling is bearing the brunt of every rage, along with me. I know my husband is in terrible pain, but he is ruining every relationship in his life. He has pushed all of us away over and over so that it feels impossible to let down your guard with him. Sometimes I think that's the point - to avoid that real intimacy. He has stormed out tonight, blaming it on our child and throwing furniture across the room. One thing I've never seen addressed in this forum is how people with BPD came to understand their problem my husband always thinks it's everyone else who is the cause of everything, and has never recognized any of these behaviors as being a signal that something's going on. I really want to know how others have come to face this diagnosis.
Title: Re: Only starting to sort things out Post by: an0ught on October 09, 2015, 04:29:37 AM Hi Frankee,
it is always good to see someone who has been following us for long step in *welcome* You are right the question how to raise awareness - there is no straight answer on this board. There are plenty of reasons why a professional should do a proper diagnose and then maybe or maybe not communicate it. That reasoning makes perfect sense if you follow it. Not sure that reasoning covers all the situations members here encounter. Some pwBPD have learned it by themselves, some have been told by others including their current or former partners. Not all for the best - the BPD label carries stigma and that alone already can make matters worse. and I have been throwing wet blankets over every explosion in our (and his) family for so long. it is tempting to contain their follies. But it is also controlling. Where damage gets too great we may need to take steps and we have to protect ourselves. But trying to do it for every explosion is controlling. It involves you in the mess. It makes it harder for him to see his role. It takes away responsibility for him to control himself. Our oldest child has left home, and now his younger sibling is bearing the brunt of every rage, along with me. I know my husband is in terrible pain, but he is ruining every relationship in his life. He has pushed all of us away over and over so that it feels impossible to let down your guard with him. Sometimes I think that's the point - to avoid that real intimacy. He has stormed out tonight, blaming it on our child and throwing furniture across the room. Is there a way to get the child out of this mess for a time? One thing I've never seen addressed in this forum is how people with BPD came to understand their problem my husband always thinks it's everyone else who is the cause of everything, and has never recognized any of these behaviors as being a signal that something's going on. I really want to know how others have come to face this diagnosis. You don't need a BPD diagnosis to know that throwing furniture when a child upsets you is not ok. He should not need one either. It can be hard to get a message through to someone who is angry. Check out the workshops on SET. Again welcome, a0 |