BPDFamily.com

OK,

So here's a few questions:

1. Do high functioning pwBPD have extreme difficulty getting along with authority figures or managing limits in a job situation? 

2. If that is a trait of BPD, what is the mindset that causes these extreme reactions?  I'm talking about things like assuming that every limit or rule imposed is an attempt to "get" them personally, or threatening to quit (at home, to me, not to the boss), over apparently minor disagreements.  I would say its just this job, but if I'm honest, it's been every one he's ever had.  I'm trying to understand what psychological processes are going on.

3. What are good ways to respond when someone is about to do something really self-damaging (i.e. quitting in a fury or telling the boss off)?  I mean, I try to validate and say, "That's really frustrating," and step out of the situation when it becomes, "It's all your fault that I have this job! You've ruined my life!" But is there any way at all to effectively suggest more appropriate reactions? 

Thanks for any insight.

By the way, I'm asking this b/c it's been a regular occurrence over the last month or so.  Happening right now, in fact  :-)

 *welcome*

I am dealing with this now... . my husband is high functioning had a job for 14 years then went to another job better benifits , and he lasted four days not his fault.

now for three and a half months  he has been unemployed nothing was good enough, he didn't want to take that first job that came along, then finally he gets a job, and it is a good job works in his field and has benefits and over time, but like yours wants to quit and go to a job like he turned down i don't know how many times due to uncertain feeling, all because at the job he just started someone who road with him friday said something negitive to him it wasn't meant to be critical just doing his job, he is comming down to where he is so he can be released to drive, i am like that is good because a friend he knows told him it could be three weeks before  he is released to drive

they have lost good drivers because of this . My husband complains at home alot that this person said this and this person said that. and non of it to be true, his fabucation due to being scared. HE does act differntly then at home about what really happend. he just needs to vent. so for me i just keep busy and i listen  but not to the point any more where i am drained. i tell him to do what he wants to do because he will anyway but he is stupid if he does. i always suggest to have a job before you quit one.  my husband also tells me all the time he tells the boss off but does he really? i don't think so .  and yes he blames me because i made him take this job... . what ever i say... .

oh and there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself them blamming you or threating to quit is so frustrating but nothing you can do because if they are going to do something they will. good luck i need some to... . i am dealing with this now also as we speak.

I think it's pretty common, and probably due to the nature of BPD which is trying to push limits.  Therefore, they don't tend to respect figures of authority.  My H is like that too.  His boss is either ignorant, stupid, cannot manage office politics, or something else.  He gets all "sour grapes" when his colleagues get praised or get important projects too- he will say "the boss doesn't know what he's doing", or "just because I don't like to get into office politics and shine the boss' shoes".  You get the idea.  Anyway, it's always somebody's fault except their own, and their world sucks because it's not perfect.

Thanks, Chosen.  Those are exactly the sorts of things I hear.  I find it sad, because he's really talented and smart, and I think a lot of his reactions to work conflict are self-defeating.  I also think he may create self-fulfilling prophecies: "I think the boss hates me, so I am defensive, which makes the boss dislike me, which makes me more defensive... . " and on and on.   Obviously, I'm not there in the situations with him, but I'm sure some things aren't fair and sometimes the boss is incompetent, etc. I just wish he could take it more in stride.

I've tried every way I know how to gently suggest alternative explanations for situations, but that always ends in raging and the feeling that I am attacking him.  Wanda, I think you're right -- there's literally *nothing* I can do about it.  And, really, I need to work on accepting that. After all, I wouldn't really appreciate it if he tried to give me advice on my job that I didn't ask for, or if he questioned my feelings about the reality of my work.  It really is his life to live; doesn't matter if I think I could live it better.  Accepting is really, really, really hard, esp. when our financial situation is involved.