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Man I have been doing well! I'm pretty happy with my recovery... .Day by Day, inch by inch, I am growing.

I saw my BPD ex for the first time in almost 7 months last week, on a tram. She was with her father. Her father and I looked at each other and sort of acknowledged each others presence, I certainly didn't feel any anomosity. I saw him first, and then looked left of him, and there she was. All hunched over, hiding her face completely. Not looking in my direction, and clearly looked uncomfortable... .To be honest I wasn't surprised. A lot of water has gone under our bridge. So I just turned my back as was stood, and got off 30 seconds later as was at my stop.

It was a strange encounter that definitely shook me up a bit, but I was mindful and got over it pretty sharpish.

Anyway, since she has been in every dream, every night since. Before I'd dream of her, but not so vividly. Now every night I have these dreams of her, in a perfect ideal healthy relationship with me. They are messing with me.

Are these common?

Dear Undone,

     I don't profess to be an expert on this, but you will find a great deal of discussion on this site about this issue and it certainly has been my personal history.  In a way this is one of the most annoying aspects of the disordered r/s we have with someone with BPD, as you don't have a chance to use your conscious defenses at all.  Your subconscious typically is in some degree of conflict with your reasoning upper level functions and the subconscious has no voice to speak at all.  Dreams are one of the few ways it can communicate other than just making you feel happy or sad. 

     Some people (wrongly I think) believe the dream is 'the truth', just as people used to think that it was a message from the gods about the future.  It's only the truth from the unreasoning point of view of your "heart" (another silly idea about the subconscious).  I suggest you use the dream as the window it is into how the very powerful but completely silent part of your mind is operating; nothing more.  When you've resolved the difference of opinion between your 'heart' and your 'head' the dreams will go away as the subconscious won't need to send messages upward anymore.  Until then the dreams are truly a royal pain in the buttocks, IMHO.

LT

Hi undone123,

I've been very LC with my exH for the best part of a year.  Recently, we took our child to college together.  It really unsettled me and I have had some very vivid, often distressing dreams since.   


I agree - I was really frustrated this morning by yet another sleepless night and am falling asleep at work.  It's frustrating for two reasons (1) the lack of quality sleep and (2) the ruminations that follow about what the dream meant!

The difficulty with NC or LC is that if you do happen to have unexpected contact, it can really throw you.  However, in my experience, things do settle again and the dreams can give some insight as to where you are with things.

take care,

Claire

Undone,

I'm not going to hijack your thread, but I'm going to post a poem I wrote that is so pertinent to this subject in my new "It is Over" post.  It fits the topic of my loss and how afraid I am as well.  Please just do know that I understand, and though my breakup is just beginning, I know I'm going to face the dream/sleep problem again.  I suffer from severe Sleep Paralysis and Night Terrors when I am under severe stress, and I have Obstructive Sleep Apnea all the time.  This is something I am so dreading... .

6 weeks since i saw my ex:dreamt of her & her cat this morning-it was peaceful-reminiscent of some peaceful times... albeit there weren't many... .

Im only just starting to sleep normally now-stress is tapering off a bit-therapy-work is good...

however there are court dates ahead for her as she assaulted me... so i hope i can keep the

peaceful dreams happening... .:)