BPDFamily.com

On Saturday, I woke up to an onslaught of messages sent over a period of 7 hours (guessing they were underslept, seems to be a recurring thing with their episodes). True Jekyll and Hyde arc.. ripping into me at one moment, then trying to back an hour later, rinse and repeat. All to the point of blaming the rest of the family for their unhappiness now and attacking my character specifically.

For the record, I have spent most of my life as BPDSib's FP. There was an incident last year where I went NC for several months, then made the mistake of letting them back in.. then this outburst comes out of nowhere. Using language to try to alienate me from the rest of my family and spouse, rehashing issues with my parents that occured long ago and poking holes in my relationship with my beloved husband.

So I've made the executive decision to go fully NC until they seek/make progress in therapy. No going back on this. Oddly enough, I'm not sad this time around.. I already spent enought time last year mourning the relationship we once had.

As my family-of-origin was unhappy with the fact my children and I do not celebrate the same religious holidays as extended family, and was threatening to basically try to cause custody issues ...I tried a tactful compromise by which instead of attending their home for the holiday, we invited them to a nice dinner cooked by the children and myself at OUR house later that week for a "family get-together".

It went well enough, a couple hours of pleasant chit-chat and the children happy to show off their home, toys and cooking skills...but once the Family of Origin departed, I began getting the nastiest text messages suggesting I was a "f**king c*nt", etc, etc. One of my siblings has been two years NC with two other siblings, my mother and another sibling are NC for almost five years...honestly, the NC is probably the healthiest choices you can make in some family circumstances. This was certainly not the first time I have to cover for the mental illness of my family-of-origin.

Basically what I'm saying is that I've given up on the world you describe, now I just sh*tpost and offer memes-as-therapy.

Here you go, I think I found your sibling! :)

(https://i.ibb.co/V9fkbyg/bipolar-relative.png)

The lack of sadness is surprising, isn't it? I also was a longtime FP to my undiagnosed BPD sister, who recently discarded me, in a flurry of text/rants, filled with distortions and venom.  Not the first time she's done this in the last 4 decades (Yes, decades!), but the first time that I've finally let go.  Now, I am revisiting the past with her, and seeing just how toxic the relationship was.  I thought I was helping her, but it was an illusion. 

I can relate.  Congratulations Older sister for letting go.  CA_Dreamer, I could have written your post.  I have experienced the same thing over and over.   After trying really hard at LC and being unsuccessful, my uBPD sister crossed the line at a time I was very vulnerable.  So I went NC about a month ago.  She  has verbally abused me for decades since our young adult years. Sadly, I didn’t recognize it as uBPD until about 7 years ago.  I kept thinking I could find common ground or be the bigger person.  My parents unintentionally fueled the dynamic by telling me to be a “ good big sister and understand how hard things are for her.”   PearlsBefore I completely agree with this: 

I wish I had gone NC earlier, but I guess I wasn’t ready.  The first several weeks I felt guilty.  My therapist,  close friends, husband and family saw what an amazing positive impact it had on me and kept me from succumbing to that guilt.  I had recurrent thoughts about unblocking her and not telling anyone, but have held my ground and the guilt is slowly dissipating.  It has created so much positive space for me and I hope that you will find the same peace and healing I am discovering with NC.