BPDFamily.com

I'm adding valentines to my official list of holidays that can suck it. My anniversary is already on this list. I can't believe she can take me from happy and excited for the day and possibly evening to her hiding in the bathroom mad at me and telling me I never notice the things she does for me. Like how she went to lunch with me even though she was extremely busy Friday. She also made sure I knew that chose a horrible place for lunch and that I should have canceled because I knew she was busy. Even showing her the texts I sent her offering to reschedule two different times didn't help her understand why this wasn't my fault. It was almost as bad as the time she told me her criticism and belittling was because I accidently used the wrong paperwork for something. She said she would have spoken to me like she did if I hadn't made a mistake. I caused her outburst because I made a mistake. I've tried SET but only got told I was talking down to her. Sorry I'm venting.

I'm very sorry to read about your situation and what you're going through. While I am a noob poster compared to many on here, I had a similar experience on Valentine's Day eve which was my first post. I found a lot of great people on here over the last 2 days, so I hope you find your support here that you might be looking for.

Couple of things I remind myself:

1) Hallmark is SATAN. Haha - they invented Valentine's day. Nothing more than a cash grab to commercialize 1 calendar day.

Valentine's day is pretty difficult for someone with BPD (I would guess). They are expected to be more loving, yet they feel like they don't deserve you, so they lash out at you pushing you away, when the fact is they want you but they don't feel like they deserve you. It's a weird mental illness. I think I'm a very advanced thinker when it comes to overanalyzing everything in life, but understanding my wife who does have BPD is like me working through a riddle (and failing at it). Her actions that she has displayed about you is not how she feels. Is it fair? F*** no, but it's the cards we are given. If you want to remove the cards all together, then that's your choice. But if you continue to play the cards, well, you and I will have many bad days, and many great days. But you and I always have a choice, as tough as it is to make.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm more than happy to help out others as many on here have helped me out in the short time I have been on this board. Feel better fellow non BPDer!

I agree. Valentine's day can suck it. That's why I am here at 1:30 am. I just want to know I am not alone and I definitely am not.

I appreciate the reply. I had been expecting this to happen all week. We had been arguing quite a bit. Part of it came from me setting boundaries. Ultimately it's was all my fault. In our relationship the arguments never end they just stop for a while. There is no make up sex or any soothing to get past it.

I had asked earlier in the week for her to show me more affection (non sexual) to make up for the no sex between us. It only caused more issues. I told her that I was losing my desire for her sexually and she was not happy about that. I let her know that it's would make things better. She has had a low/ no sex drive for years (1-3 tones per year on a really good year). She told me that she stilled had the desire just not the actual drive. I couldn't understand how those were different. I asked to explain but it just came back to me. She said that if I didn't desire her sexually then we might as well divorce. I laughed at that point because I've felt that she hasn't desired me in years.

I'm now at a point where I'm planning to move us back to our home state as soon as I can. She has told me many times that if she had her family support that she would have left a long time ago. We have 2 kids and have been together 19 years. I just can't do it any longer. I would have probably left already but know I will not get custody of my kids. I wouldnt be able to handle it without them.

Sorry for such a depressing story. I'm actually working on rebuilding my self esteem in therapy, I'm just at the beginning of that journey.