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  It was suggested by my therapist today that my mother has BPD. I had thought it just Narcissism, but she has explosive rage episodes and other characteristics.

I'm an only child and my dad was bi-polar narcissistic, etc.
My mom has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer, which has brought me more closely back into her life.

I brought my son to visit her recently and let's just say I won't be doing that again. She has recently had chemo, was on narcotics, and had 2 strong drinks, and she got crazy in the evening, accusing me of training my son to hide in the closet, and chasing him under the bed when he crawled under there to get away from him.

It's clear she isn't interested in taking responsibility for her actions, or in getting help. I'm really sad about it.

Anyway, nice to meet you!

Hi Dandyblossom, nice to meet you too

Your therapist suggested your mother might have BPD, you mention her explosive rages. What are the other BPD traits you see in her? What do you consider her most difficult or troubling behaviors?

Being an only child of disordered parents can be very difficult. You use the past tense when talking about your dad, what kind of relationship did you have with him? How was his relationship with your mother?

I am sorry your mother is now also physically ill. Regardless of her BPD, I can imagine that her current illness might also be difficult for you to deal with.


Do you think this behavior was a result of her meds and drinking or would you say this is an example of how your mother generally behaves?


Do you feel like your mother has ever in any way acknowledged that her behavior might be inappropriate or hurtful?

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily,

The Board Parrot

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry to hear of your struggles with your mom. It sucks that one of the BPD traits is that they do not accept responsibility, feel remorse, or empathize with someone else's pain. This is so hard when you (we) are the children. I remember when I was 10 and by some random inspiration (I believe it was my Higher Power speaking through me) I asked my mom the question in the car, "Mom, why don't you ever say you are sorry?" Her response echoes and foreshadowed my entire life of interactions with her until this day; "Because I am never wrong." I am grateful for anchoring moments like that to help me frame my perspective when I am lost in my thoughts about what is my responsibility/fault/contribution coupled with my family's invalidation and denial. Groups like this and hearing other people's stories remind me my experience is not "normal" and I am not crazy for having hurt. On behalf of all children of pwBPD everywhere, thank you for choosing to shield your child from this behavior. Good job.

Hi Kwamina,  I'm still figuring out how to use this board to reply.  I didn't realize anyone had replied to my post.
I'm going to answer your questions here - I really appreciate you asking.

My mom's most difficult behavior - hmm.  I think it's her complete lack of acknowledgement of her own responsibility in interactions between us, or with others.  She seems to feel like everyone is out to get her - people on the road drive the way they do to irritate her, her neighbors don't smile at her because they hate her, etc etc etc.  She once drove across 2 states to visit my son (and me) and drove away without saying goodbye.  My son was very upset, as was I.  After crying about it, we asked her why and she said she left because I was mean.  To this day, she has the same answer.  So, yeah, her lack of personal responsibility is one of the hardest things for me.

You asked about my dad.  He died 3.5 years ago of cancer.  As a child, I lived with my mom and saw him every other weekend.  He was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and later NPD, and smoked a lot of marijuana.  I knew he loved me, and I have memories of him being interested in what I was interested in, and teaching me things.  It was my normal, so I don't know any different, of course.  I always felt like he understood me more than my mom.  He was a gentle soul, and showed more emotions than I ever have seen my mom show. He was in and out of my life as an adult.  Fortunately, before he died, I got to know him more than I ever had. We got to cry together and I got to say goodbye a couple months before he died.

He and my mom were divorced when I was 3, but before he died, he had been living at my mom's house, and she was abusing his pain medication patches (fentanyl).  Jeez, it gets better and better doesn't it.  My life could be a soap opera.
Anyway, he told me she was using it, and I confronted her, and she told me he was lying.  Then she admitted it a few weeks later and asked me to help her go to rehab.  This was the second time she had had access to these patches and was sucking the medication out of them.

She is using narcotics and drinking again now, just like she was then, only this time she's got her own prescription.

You asked if she usually behaves with the rages - no, the behavior on my last trip was attributed to the combination of steroids she received for the chemotherapy, and the narcotics she is on, along with the 2 strong alcoholic drinks she had that night.

I have asked her not to drink when I come to care for her after her surgery, and she has gotten very angry. 

I'm working with my therapist on setting boundaries for myself.  This is so hard to learn!

Hi again Dandyblossom

How have you been?


Learning to set and enforce/defend boundaries can be hard indeed. We have some resources here that can help you with this:

Setting boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries)

Examples of boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368.0;all)

Five signs of unhealthy boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=122547.0;all)