BPDFamily.com

Taken from Wikipedia:

The myth of violence

Perhaps the most damaging aspect of the stigma surrounding borderline personality disorder is the myth that people with BPD are violent toward others.[137] While movies and visual media often sensationalize people with BPD by portraying them as violent, the majority of researchers agree that people with BPD are actually very unlikely to harm others.[137] Although people with BPD often struggle with experiences of intense anger, a defining characteristic of BPD is that they direct it inward toward themselves.[138] In fact, one of the key differences between BPD and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is that people with BPD tend to internalize anger by hurting themselves, while people with ASPD tend to externalize it by hurting others.[138] In addition, as adults with BPD have often experienced abuse in childhood, many people with BPD adopt a "no-tolerance" policy toward expressions of anger of any kind.[138] Unfortunately, their extreme aversion to violence causes many people with BPD to overcompensate and experience difficulties being assertive and expressing their needs.[138] This is one way in which people with BPD choose to harm themselves over potentially causing harm to others.[138] Another way in which people with BPD avoid expressing their anger through violence is by causing physical damage to themselves, such as engaging in non-suicidal self injury.[137][11]My DBPD ex wife used violence frequently as a way of expressing anger.  Does tis mean that she may be better described as having antisocial personality disorder? 

While she did use self-injury on many occasions, there were just as many occasions where she injured me.

Also, I should note that there are no specific agencies in my city to deal with a husband trying to mend after physical abuse from a wife.  Lots of help for physically abused wives, though.

Sad to hear you had to go through this. How awful. As far as I can tell mental disorders are not easily put into a box. Most are a mix of several different issues. Focus on how her treatment harmed you. Her diagnosis might be helpful if she seeks her own therapy but you need your own healing. What does that look like for you?

It mainly looks like this:  Trying to believe after all the beatings that I am a good person, deserving happiness in this life.

Nobody deserves that. You are here seeking answers for what happened. That in of itself says you are a good person. You want to improve your life. Do you see a therapist. Seeing someone with BPD experience can be really helpful here.

Yes I'm seeing a T but not the one I wanted the most.  The T I wanted to see was my wife's T for awhile until the T suggested that my wife had BPD then my wife "made" me write a complaint letter to this T's supervisor.  This T is the expert in BPD in our area but won't see me due to conflict of interest concerns.

Wow. That sucks. Will that T recommend someone for you at least? Hang in there. How are you coping? What are doing with your time and energy to take care of yourself? This is important. Healthy routines lead to a better state of mind.

I do have another T who is good.  Besides work, I am going to the gym everyday and trying to eat and sleep well.  And of course, posting on these boards helps too.

Hi Scott44 -- Chances are your wife has more than one "disorder."  Bottom line is that she abused you.  Period. 

I am also a survivor of physical abuse. Never thought it would happen to ME... .  but it did!  I'm years away from all of that now and I no longer care what "disorder" made crazyx physically abuse me... .  I just know that he did and that it nearly cost me my life.

NO ONE should remain in a physically abusive situation.  And no one "deserves" to be abused.

As you rebuild your life from this horrific experience, you will learn to love and protect yourself from this kind of thing happening again.

turtle

Spend time with friends and family. When you start to feel a bit better seek out new social opportunities. If you live in a decent sized city meetup.com was great for this. There is something about new social experiences that really helps after these r/s. I'm not talking about a new r/s mind you. I'm talking about spending time with people of similar interests. Helps make you feel connected to the real world again.  :)

Thanks turtle... .  you words touched me.

Scott

Thank you OTH.  I will keep that in mind.

I think the boundaries are not so clear.  I've tried to slot my exBPD into a category but he has traits of BPD, NPD and APD.  He has been violent as a result of his anger.  And as other posters say, it is not that important to categorize exactly what the person who hurt you is exactly.

Personality disorders such as BPD are "spectrum disorders." What is true of one case may not be true of another. It is inaccurate to say that people with BPD are always non-violent just as it is inaccurate to say they are always violent. Some are prone to violence and some may not be.